When One Love Seems To End…
… another love begins. And in my case it is a love for myself.
I was introduced to “The Secret” by one of my best friends… two days after I had experienced a heartbreak like no other before.
I watched the movie first and remember feeling exhilarated because it all just made so much sense to me. I have always struggled with my spiritual beliefs, and this was one thing that had solid scientific and physical proof that it could work. I bought the book and read it from start to finish in 3 days. I was absolutely amazed that once I began to apply the practices from “The Secret” to my life how EASY it is to instantly change the way I think and begin to heal my heart.
A couple of weeks ago I ordered “The Secret Daily Teachings”, and this past Monday started reading and applying the teaching for each day.
Today is Day 5 – the teaching today spoke volumes to me. It was just what I needed to move into the next stage of healing my heart and learning to love myself more. I felt the need to journal about my progress and wanted to share it with other “Secret” believers and those who may be just beginning their journey.
The Secret Daily Teachings – Day 5
Look for the gifts in everything, especially when you are facing what appears to be a negative situation. Everything that we attract causes us to grow, which means that ultimately everything is for our own good.
Adjusting to a new path and a new direction will require new qualities and strengths, and these qualities are always exactly what we need to acquire in order to accomplish the great things ahead in our life.
This passage actually hits home pretty hard with me. A month ago, I felt like my world was crumbling down around me and that I would never find the strength to get through the pain of the first real heartbreak I had ever experienced. I had been in love before, sure, but not the all-consuming, entire mind, body, heart, and soul sort of love that I feel for her. I had found my soulmate, the person that I could connect with on EVERY level, that made me feel like running up to the top of the highest mountain that I could find and shouting to the world how lucky I was to have found that one person who I believed I would grow old with. I had finally found someone that made me believe in forever. And I fell in love with her very fast and very hard… and that love continued to grow throughout our entire relationship. It is still growing… just now it is in a very different way.
Unfortunately for us, neither one of us had stopped long enough to fix the things we needed to fix about ourselves before getting into a new relationship. And while our relationship, in my opinion, was absolutely wonderful (I have never been treated better by a partner than I was by her), not addressing the issues inside ourselves made us unable to fully give each other what we deserved.
So now here I find myself single… a place that I never thought I would be again. It hurts… it hurts so much that some days I find it very hard to get out of bed and face the world, our friends, her, and even myself. But I have found this super strength deep inside me that I never knew I had. I thought I would die not having her as my partner, lover, and best friend. I thought I would have to cut off all contact with her, because being around her or talking to her was very difficult and painful. But here I am, a little more than a month later, and I am still alive and still maintaining a wonderful friendship with her and actually enjoying it and looking forward to what the future brings.
It hasn’t been an easy road and I know the road ahead will throw things in my path that might be difficult to deal with. But the simple fact that I am using this time as an opportunity to open myself up to learn and grow as a person speaks volumes to me. And it makes waking up every morning, getting through each and every day, seeing and talking to her or our mutual friends, a little easier.
I am better than still alive – I am growing as a person and enjoying what the Universe has to offer. I am learning to love myself for who I am – a beautiful, smart, sexy, loving, funny, and caring woman. It has taken me almost 33 years to figure out that I am all of these things and more, and that I deserve so much happiness and love in my life. That I am perfect just the way I am.
I have always been very hard on myself… always thinking negative thoughts about who I am, what I can do, and what I deserve in life. To be quite honest, I hated myself. I could never see what other people saw in me. I would constantly berate myself, blame myself for every little thing that went wrong in any aspect of my life, and tell myself that I deserved to be miserable and unhappy because I wasn’t worth a shit anyway. I actually would tell myself worse things than this – I was not nice and loving to myself at all.
Ultimately, me not loving myself or being ENOUGH for myself, is what has made each and every relationship I have ever formed with someone suffer. I always looked to my partners, family members, and friends to tell me how much I was loved, how wonderful I was, that I was enough. But the problem with that was I never fully believed them, and therefore could never find true inner happiness, peace, and love.
So rather than using this experience as an excuse to crawl further into my shell and block out everything and everyone in my world (which is what I have always done in the past), I decided to try something different. I decided to look at the positive side of this and see how this experience could help me grow.
I started focusing on me. The first step was falling in love with myself… starting to believe that I was enough… and once that began, the rest started to fall into place. I started believing that I was beautiful, and because I started believing that on the inside, my outside started reflecting it. Now random people talk to me at the store or I get hit on while sitting at a stoplight because I radiate happiness, confidence, and love. I feel like I have this new power. I sometimes notice heads turn now when I walk by. I feel sexy, attractive, and radiant. And I KNOW that I am these things. It is exhilarating to feel this way about myself!
Now I am in a place where I feel loved, happy, and at peace. For the first time in my life, I am happy to be alive. Grateful that I am given the chance to wake up each morning and see the sun, smell the flowers, hug my son, love my family and friends. I have it good… and now I KNOW that.
I don’t know where all of this is going to take me in life. And for once, I am not worried about it. I know that I will receive everything I need and want in time. It is not my job to figure out how, it is just my job to receive it and be grateful.
So here and now my new life begins, a life of love and joy, gratitude and thanks, peace and harmony, happiness and fun. I can’t wait to see what happens. And I will never give up hope that one day I may find myself experiencing that all-consuming, entire mind, body, heart and soul sort of love again. And although I can’t deny that deep down inside I hope that I find this love again with her, I will be happy with whatever happens and just be thankful that I will always have her and the love we shared/continue to share in my life. And that makes me the luckiest woman in the world.
Thank you Rhonda and everyone else who made “The Secret” possible and accessible to me and other every day people that need a change in their lives. I send grateful thoughts out to the Universe daily that I was introduced to “The Secret”, and for the changes I have seen in myself and those around me.