Catastrophe Was Really A Gift
I was having increasing difficulty working. Pain seared down my arm, burned my forearm, and numbed my hand. My neck and shoulders tightened into knots that no masseuse could loosen. Finally, last Fall, I just told my supervisors that I could not work until the pain was resolved.
I started with physical therapy, massages, chiropractic sessions. None were successful. I went to a doctor who gave me a series of 3 steroid injections. They helped a little but did not bring me enough relief to resume working. The MRI was conclusive. The “pain doctor” said that I needed surgery.
I had two dear friends visit and take care of me while I was recuperating from one of my shots. They wrote a note before they left, and I kept it under my computer. Every so often I would look at it. It said, “We see you having a full recovery with all the time off you need.” Looking at this note gave me hope and a feeling of peace.
The first surgeon I saw recommended a procedure that I felt was too radical. He wanted to fuse 3 discs, use bone grafts from my hip, then place plates and screws in my neck to stabilize it. I agreed to it, then had trouble sleeping. Each night I woke at 2 or 3 AM, afraid and feeling like this was all wrong and I was making a terrible mistake. The doctor seemed angry to me. His attitude felt wrong. I called and canceled the surgery.
I stewed for a while and pondered my options. My short-term disability benefits were limited to 6 months. I feared that I would be unable to make my mortgage payments. I had begun tithing for 2 months before I took my leave at work. Despite fears of financial instability, I continued to tithe. I had a vision board with prosperous messages and a picture of a million dollar bill. I kept repeating what a friend had said. “Just remember, God is your source.” I pictured the money coming in the mail and my bank account always having everything needed for all my expenses.
I asked others who had had similar surgeries what they felt and who did their repairs. Finally, I summoned the courage to see another surgeon, this one recommended by friends, and working in a prestigious neuro-surgical hospital. When I met with this doctor, I knew that everything would be alright. He had a way about him, confident, yet a boy next door quality. The procedure he proposed was similar, but would fuse 4 vertebrae and use donor bone. I would not have a painful donor site on my hip. This time, I had very little fear.
My surgery was scheduled for 10 weeks past the initial visit. Such a long wait! I then heard that my insurance benefits would expire 5 days after my surgical date. Chances were good that I might still be in the hospital when they expired. COBRA continuation would be $500 per month. I called the office nurse and asked to be moved up should someone cancel. “Nobody cancels their surgeries. I’m very sorry.” I asked her to please consider me anyway should a cancellation occur. My boss also called and informed me that my position at work had been filled.
Initially I fell into full panic mode. Some small voice inside said that I should sit down, breathe, and picture everything happening when the time was right. I prayed and envisioned myself well, whole, and prosperous. 5 days later, the office nurse called back and asked, “How’s Wednesday for you?” This was a full 5 weeks early! I happily told all my friends and family about this miracle, and got all my ducks in a row.
I was able to return home from the hospital after only 2 days. I had checked in expecting to be there 4-7 days. I feel better with each passing day, and none of the arm or back pain remains. My friends have showered me with inspirational books, tapes, and DVDs. I have time to meditate, the weather is beautiful, and I always have everything I need. My boss also assures me that she will keep me working there because she still needs me.
Never before would I have thought all this was possible. My friends and family say they are inspired by my upbeat attitude. I finally understand how simple it is to bring good things into my life. I tell them, “There’s no sense in griping. That can’t improve any situation.” I tell them that I know this will work out well and I repeat something that Myrtle Fillmore said; (paraphrasing) ‘Only say that which you wish to see manifest in the world.’
Having all these challenges and the time to reflect on them, have given me the opportunity to prove the law of attraction for myself. I am so grateful for this experience!