Our Little Miracle
I have grown up with the teachings of The Secret interwoven through family discussions at the dinner table to discussions on what was taught in church, and everything in between. My parents didn’t call it The Secret, but when I viewed the film, I knew it well already.
When my husband, Tyler, and I were married, we decided after a few months that we wanted to begin our family. My step-son was almost 4, and we didn’t want too big of a gap between our children. We were plagued, it seemed…
We had 9 miscarriages before we were able to stay pregnant. It seemed that fortune was smiling on us – it was twins! Then, when I was just ending the first trimester, we lost one of the twins, even though they couldn’t give us any explanation. Miraculously, one of the babies survived and is now our very active 4 year old, Nathan.
After that, we wanted to wait about 1 1/2 years before getting pregnant again. We wanted to enjoy our son before adding another. Despite all of our preventative measures, I had gotten pregnant. We suffered one miscarriage before our son was even 4 months old. We continued life for another two months, when I again discovered that I was pregnant. We decided that it was simply a blessing and we needed to view it that way, so we did.
Our second son together is our surprise baby. He surprised us with the pregnancy, then again when he came 5 weeks early and backwards. He spent several days in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. Logan is now a happy and healthy 3 year old.
Once again, despite all our preventative measures, we ended up pregnant again when Logan was only a few months old. Miscarriage number 12.
Although the timing was wrong with these pregnancies, it broke our hearts to lose these babies. I would daydream of what they would have looked like, what they would have grown up to be.
The next time we found ourselves pregnant, we were excited! Logan was now nearly a year and a half old, and we felt like the timing was good. Sadly, I miscarried again.
It was then that my mom introduced us to the film, “The Secret”. Even though I had heard many of the teachings all my life, my husband had never heard many of them. It was a great eye-opener for him, and a wonderful reminder for me.
My husband and I decided we wanted to try for another baby soon after our last miscarriage. We didn’t anticipate what would happen… We tried on our own for a year and a half. We were unable to get pregnant. This was especially unusual for us, since I am “Fertile Myrtle”. Our problem was always staying pregnant, not getting pregnant, so we were concerned. After going to multiple doctors, it was suggested that my reproductive system had shut down. One OB/GYN suggested a few treatments that might help with my cycles, since they were completely irregular. We would have to undergo fertility treatment which would be extremely costly and sometimes even painful.
About this time, I decided that maybe we should just adopt a baby. It would be cheaper and much less painful than infertility treatments. My husband agreed with me, so we began the long tedious process of applying to adopt a baby. One thing after another kept falling through, and I began to feel like we would never have an opportunity to love another child in our family.
This whole time, I kept hoping that we would get pregnant on our own. Every test I took was negative. Every month it was more heartache.
My sister reminded me of what The Secret taught us, and what our parents had taught us growing up. I decided that I would create a vision board.
I sat down and cut pictures out of magazines of what I truly wanted in life. I decided to be positive and focus on all areas of life, not just children. I cut out pictures of the house that I wanted, pictures of pregnant women (I cut out their heads so I could envision mine there), and pictures of baby girls. I even had a picture of a 5 or 6 year old girl on there, just to be sure.
I put it up in my office (I work from home), and I never really gave it much thought. It sat there for a few months and then we moved things around in our house. My vision board was put into a box and all but forgotten.
As I began to focus on the children that I did have, and the other areas of my life that I had been neglecting, my pain slowly started to diminish. I decided to spend more time with my husband and my boys. I almost felt complete.
My sister and I were talking one day about how I was feeling, and she said that I seemed much more positive in my outlook on life. I agreed that I felt more positive and grateful for the things that I did have, the wonderful boys that I had.
Then I started to get sick. When my nausea didn’t go away, I mentioned it to my dad, who is a doctor, and he said everything looked fine. After a few more weeks of being sick, I began to wonder if I could possibly be pregnant. Not wanting another heartbreaking negative test, I ignored these feelings and thoughts.
Again, while talking to my sister, she reminded me of the importance of being positive and grateful. I decided to ignore my fear and take a pregnancy test. When I received a positive result, I literally said out loud, “What?!” I was blown away.
All that day I thought back on the course of events… I had changed my attitude and my outlook on life to be more positive and grateful than it had been. Not only did we get pregnant again after the doctors told us we wouldn’t be able to, but we stayed pregnant. My husband received a promotion and a raise at work, and my sons who had been struggling with some speech delays and learning disabilities began to excel.
A few short months later, when we went in for our ultrasound, we discovered that we’re having a girl! Not only did we get pregnant and stay pregnant, we are having a girl! We couldn’t be happier or more grateful.
This has been my first complication-free pregnancy, and it has been wonderful!