In January 2008 I went in to hospital for a routine surgery. There were complications that led to another much more serious surgery 8 days later. Upon returning home (3 weeks later and very ill) my husband told me that he wanted to withdraw from our adoption of a child we had been waiting for for 3 years and were now just 1 month away from finally bringing home, and he wanted to get a divorce. My entire world crumbled. I was too ill to prepare my own food, I had an infection in the wound (that lasted 9 weeks), and all of my family was in the USA. I was still living in the same house with my husband and it wasn’t easy. My grief was immense! I was too physically ill to heal emotionally and too emotionally ill to heal physically, and all I could do was cry. I cried for 9 weeks. At one point, I spent 3 hours talking myself OUT of swallowing the entire bottle of my sleeping pills.
I have always been a survivor, so on some level I knew I would get through this. My doctor sent me to a (free!) Women’s Retreat for 11 days. A place where I would get healthy food and be in the company of other women in similar situations to mine. A place to rest and think about my future.
I had heard about the book and DVD “The Secret” several months earlier. I had lived my life using the principles in some areas of my life for years. I used to plan my holidays a year in advance with no money saved because I knew the money would come. It always did! I have had “a parking angel” with me for years too! I knew I would live in New Zealand with my husband, even though I didn’t know how! I was aware that I could attract situations into my life by believing them to already be true, but I was not aware that I could change my thoughts in order to generate the feelings that would attract my desires. I always believed that I had to sit with my feelings until they passed, whether they were good or bad feelings.
On my second day at the retreat, I mentioned to the other women that I wanted to read “The Secret” and one of them said, “I have it with me!” As I began reading it, I took notes and I began practicing changing my thoughts. It seemed impossible to me at first because I was feeling worse than I had ever felt before. I walked across the street to the beach and stretched out on a bench and began thinking of memories of when I was happy and then focused on that feeling. I held my beloved dog close to me in my thoughts and felt her love. I did this 3 times in the first day of reading The Secret, and what happened was miraculous! I felt happy and free! I was no longer crying. I recognized how I attracted all that was happening to me by what I had been thinking and feeling the last few years, as well as the events of my entire life. I was overcome with forgiveness of my husband. I was excited about my future. I was joyous!
I began planning my future, my passions leading my thoughts and dreams. I wrote gratitude lists and visualized my healthy body. I visualised living the lifestyle that I desire.
Upon my return home, my husband and I began planning our divorce settlement with ease and love. We managed to talk like we have never talked and gave each other our blessings.
I rented ‘the Secret” DVD and watched it daily until I had to return it to the video shop. The day it was due back, another friend of mine gave me my own DVD, and I continue to watch it daily.
In a week I had begun the process of moving. I listed things to sell online, I got the house valued, I got a lawyer to draw up the papers, I was moving at light speed making preparations for my future.
When my husband got angry one day, I found myself feeling really negative and noticed my thoughts were taking a step backwards, so I focused, focused, and focused on love, gratitude, and my awesome future!
I visualize already being in perfect health, in my perfect body, and now I see myself differently. My health is great and I even look different when I see myself in the mirror. I have a love for myself that I haven’t had in the past.
This chapter isn’t over yet, but I take the steps one at a time. I don’t need to see the entire staircase. I am happy, my life is easy, and my future is unfolding in a beautiful, harmonious way. I still struggle with fully believing that I can create my dream future or the money I want to have before I leave New Zealand, but I am aware of my thoughts and am committed to being the Master of them. I am practicing and integrating the 3 steps of Asking, Believing, and Receiving, and I’m getting better at it with each passing day. Most importantly… I am happier than I have ever been!