When I was twenty-one years of age I was living life and feeling great. No one could slow me down or stop me. I had a beautiful girlfriend who loved me to death, a good job working outdoors where daily I got to see new faces as well as those who knew me quite well, and a brand new truck that I was months away from paying off. Life was good.

Slowly but surely my exciting and fun life was starting to catch up to me though. I was going out and drinking at least three to four nights a week, smoking weed daily, and not realizing how I was taking advantage of my girlfriend, who at the time was my best friend. I was loving the attention and the “friends” I was surrounded by. I was getting high on whatever I could, whether illegal or natural.

One night I blew off plans with my girlfriend to go out with my friends and celebrate the fact that I was about to get a new job, which was going to pay much more than my current job. What better way to celebrate than to go get wasted at a college right? Damn!

After I personally had put a twelve pack away, my buddy decided we should go back to our hometown, an hour away, to back up a friend in a fight. Nothing like alcohol and good ‘ol male testosterone to get ya amped. By the time we got back the fight was over and I needed to continue my night. So I drove to my friends’ house where they were drinking and taking ecstasy. I had never tried this before, but figured what the hell, I ain’t going nowhere. After it kicked in, and a few beers later, it was nine in the morning and I wanted my own bed. So I headed on home, and on the way hit an ice patch, sending me spinning around landing in a ditch.

After the police arrived I was taken to jail and booked on a DUI charge. When I made it home I called my girlfriend, who came over and stayed with me while I cried harder than I ever had before. I then found out that my lack of attention had driven her to the arms of one of my friends. This hurt more than cracking my head on my steering wheel ever could.

After multiple attempts to get her back failed, I realized I would never be with her again. I know today that she was not right for me, but still, it hurt.

There was still the one positive though, the job. At least I had the opportunity to work and get through this. Damn! I picked up a voice mail on my phone two days later to hear that trace amounts of marijuana had shown up in my drug test, and I would not be getting the job. I had quit my other job the day I went to take the drug test, with no notice given.

I was now jobless, with no vehicle, and alone as well as extremely hurt. I spent a lot of angry days feeling like life was complete ‘bs’. At twenty-one I felt like I’d lived, loved, and was ready to die.

Through talks with my father though, I was slowly but surely rebuilding myself back to a state of mind stronger than that I had possessed before. Now I was getting my confidence and highs in life from ME, not a foreign substance.

I got back on my feet, getting a job, received a 10,000 dollar settlement from the insurance company for my truck, and payed off my debt to society. I picked up a second job and started saving to get to broadcasting school.

I am now three months into the school and love every minute of it. I write and record music and daily I am meeting new people in school who share my interests and passion for music, as well as pushing for new ideas and possibilities.

In this life there are more than enough reasons to feel like life isn’t worth living. The crazy thing about it though, there’s even more, and better, reasons to keep on going. I’ve seen the moments of wanting death, and am living the moments of loving life. There’s nothing you can’t do once you stop caring about others negative opinions, and only focus on what you already know makes you feel good. Say to hell with fear, and you will feel your desires come to the surface. Once there, follow them.