HEALING THROUGH FORGIVENESS
I grew up a battered child; it was my mother who hurt me and my younger brother and sister. I was the eldest, so when any of us did anything wrong, I’m the one who was punished. I experienced physical and mental violence on a daily basis for the first fifteen years of my life.
When I was thirteen years old, during one of her physical attacks, my mother pressed her knee into my back to hold me down while she was hitting me. As a result, I have had a backache for many years.
Two years after that incident, I moved in with my dad and his new girlfriend. My younger sister and I were outside playing with the horses and both ended up with a hoof in our back that sent us flying into the air. One week later, my younger brother pulled back the chair I was sitting on and I fell on my back – again. My tailbone moved one and a half centimeters.
For some years, I kept going to the doctor because I couldn’t understand why I still had a backache. Finally, the doctor told me that it could have something to do with the problems of the past, but also that the weight of my large breasts might be adding to the pain. Since I refused to undergo a breast reduction, I just resigned myself to having a backache.
After reading The Secret, I made a decision to forgive my mother and get on in my life.
Sitting on the sofa and meditating one day, I saw my mother in front of me, and I went over and gave her a hug. While I was standing with her in my arms, I told her I loved her and wanted to forgive her and let the past be past. “I now understand that you did the best you could,” I told her, “with the knowledge and experience you had then.” I kept saying, “I love you and forgive you.” I began to cry and let the tears fall down my cheeks. I sat in the meditation for a long time and just forgave. I was saying, “I love you and let the little Sabrina inside of me cry all she wants.” It was one of the scariest yet most beautiful things that had ever happened to me.
After having that experience, I told my dad and stepmom that I had forgiven my mother and let the past be past. That night my backache went away and has never returned. The only thing I did to make it go away was to forgive my mother.