Me, the Phoenix rising
I turned 50 last August.. a depressingly big number for me. I feel and look so much younger. I married at 22, young, immature, and naive. We raised two beautiful girls, but over time we grew apart, and after a two year meltdown, we finally parted four years ago. I’d stepped off my world, falling into the abyss, and became lost, scared, and lonely.
A few months later, I sat in my rented house, just me and a bottle of red. I joined a dating agency and searched to find my soul mate. I was damaged and needy. My childhood wasn’t happy, and I was carrying the scars of that too. Those scars were of self doubt, lack of confidence, and a feeling of insecurity… all now magnified by the position I found myself in… alone.
I dated many women, some pleasant, but many also fractured souls, with issues as big as mine. I went from relationship to relationship, never finding what I sought, always getting what I wished for!!
At the same time, my job started failing. The market I was in was drying up and I felt unable to resolve it. I felt trapped and powerless. Hoping it would improve, but knowing it wouldn’t… and as I thought it… so it didn’t!
Everything started mounting up, my debts, my desperate need for love, and my feelings of failure and loss.
Still I sought a partner, still it failed. The last one ended four months ago. It was an 18 month nightmare. She was all I’d wished for (unknowingly), and everything I shouldn’t have let myself fall for. She had a big house and was young and vibrant. She was also controlling, feisty, and moody… my father in female form. I was stuck wanting part of her and the lifestyle we had been living together, yet wanting out. So much of her was wrong, yet I so wanted it to work… I needed it! She took me to pieces, and I fell apart. My job was dead, I had no home, debts were mounting, and now she and I had split. I was also fighting for a share of my assets from the marriage, and this was also becoming a divorce war.
I moved up to Wales to escape, to live in a mobile home on my friend’s farm. It was isolating and lonely. I enjoyed helping on the farm, and doing some of my work on the PC, but I was getting lower and lower. Ending it all seemed the only way out. But I couldn’t because of my girls.
Then, one day, by pure chance, about three weeks ago, my daughter was told of The Secret. I went out and bought it… It was amazing. I could see how I had got what I wished for, had got what I was thinking about… was reaping all I’d sown.
Things were about to change!
For my birthday last August, a friend had bought me a Reiki 1 course… and it sat on my desk… until now. Now I felt ready to explore that avenue in me, and last week I went to the course and it’s opened up a new dimension in my world. It is healing me, and whilst I read and re-read The Secret, I get stronger and happier each day.
My business has suddenly picked up, and in the last week I have done four new deals… £8000 in commission! I have received two cheques totaling £500 – out of the blue and unrelated to work, and won £40 on the lottery.
I have changed my mindset. I am totally focused on the Law of Attraction, and have stuck a cheque on my wall for £500,000, to me from the universe. Plus a cheque paying my girls £20,000 to help them with University and travel.
This money will come to me, when the universe is ready to send it. The Secret is helping me climb back up to where I once was… and beyond.
I am also happy with being alone (for now). I don’t want anyone in my life just now. I am no longer needy. I am learning to love me, for the first time in my life. I feel confident, happy, well, and ready to achieve all I want.
The Secret has opened the door for me and I have every belief I will receive all I have asked for. I am ready to receive. I am reborn. And, for the first time in my life, have shed all the negativity, the burden, the guilt, the insecurity, and disbelief. I am happy and healthy, and visualise I am wealthy, debt-free, complete, and successful…
Thank you – The Secret, the universe, my angels, and Reiki.