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Life And Its Turns.
Submitted by: Hope
the smallest of the large cities in the USOptimist, dreamer, hardworking girl.
I am trying something new, new in the sense that I never thought I would be doing this at my age. What is that? Oh, starting again!
You see, usually in life, most people do all their schooling and then get a job and maybe get a partner, a house, a car, and a few kids. That is all ok because we are in our prime, we have energy and our potential is well open to anything.
And that’s how it all happened to me. Not exactly that I planned it that way but like the book says, I prayed with all my heart I would get into a specific school and I did. I prayed I would meet a man that loved me unconditionally and I did. But then life happened. With a partner came a house and a bigger house and a much bigger house, and kids, and well, I think I forgot how to ask and live with that passion.
Then one day we decided things were not worth it and we still believe that, but in the process of change we committed career suicide.
And here is where I go back to my opening statement, “Starting again.” Although I have a degree, my partner does not, and at 50 years old and being introverted in this day and age, well that is career suicide. We went from a comfortable life with no worries to eating beans and rice, and having sleepless nights wondering how we will provide for our kids.
The problem with that is that it generates despair.
It was not until I started reading this book, The Secret, that I realized how right many of its premises are. And I could have just attributed it all to coincidences except that I have already proved to myself several times that there is no such thing.
When my energy was high and I allowed myself to dream and plan and remain hopeful, I harvested exactly what I felt and imagined and I was happy. Now I have sowed a lot of bitterness, resentment, fear, and grief and it seems that is what I am now harvesting. But, I am tired of it and I am ready to change. Which is easier said than done.
I find doing the affirmations at the beginning of the day is great, they are short and I can place a post-it note in front of my desk and refer to it all during the day. Then at night as I lay down to sleep, I usually try to give thanks for the things that happened during the day. This is a better way to see the day events under a different light.
It is not perfect, it is not even a rhythm at the moment. But for me, I think that it is often harder to rebuild than to build. So, I have armed myself with love, patience, and self-forgiveness. And hopefully, I will be around to write more about this journey.