It’s a well known cliche that love happens to you when you least expect it to. As a girl who was convinced she had met the love of her life, I found that saying extremely irritating. Why must love happen when you don’t expect it to? Here I am, madly in love with this man, who seems kinda, sorta interested in me, and it just won’t manifest?

I tried everything. I would write a journal where I wrote about our lives as if we were already together. I’d write about the things I wanted him to say when we would be together. The things we’d do, how we’d spend time on things, like deciding what to order in at home. And nothing. Nope. He was as adamantly not in love with me as I was refusing to accept it and move on. He was lovely and affectionate. But he just wasn’t crazy about me. We were always just friends for him.

He had shuttled in and out of my life before and I’d told the Universe that if he ever came back it meant that we were meant to be together. So naturally, I kept telling myself to keep at it. It was going to happen. He walked back into my world for a reason. A year went by, nothing happened. All I did was wait. Wait for him to be ready, wait for him to love me, wait for him to want me. He cared less and less. He didn’t call me on my birthday, he didn’t even remember to say something nice to me the day I graduated. And all this while I was practicing my gratitude and making my happy wishful journal entries and what not.

My patience was starting to hurt me. I would say the nice things he would say to me in my head, over and over again to feel like it would happen. It didn’t. I then started working at a company that I thought was my dream job.

It was then that I realized that the Universe always has your back. I met someone on my job who was everything I’d written about in my journal. The reason it didn’t work out with that guy other was because the Universe knew what I wanted when I wrote all that stuff down. The Universe knew that ‘Hey, if this is what she wants, maybe this guy isn’t it for her’. That is why it didn’t happen!

With this new guy, it is so much more. It is everything I’ve ever wanted. It is the most beautiful friendship, the most joyous connection and the happiest love that I have ever known. When I was pining after the first guy, my classic overthinking self would think, good God maybe it’s me. I just have no chill. I just have been single so long, I can’t even be girlfriend material anymore. I don’t know how to be someone’s girlfriend. And when this chap happened, I realized that I don’t have to be anything with him. I just have to be. And that, my wonderful friends, is the dream isn’t it?

Except it isn’t a dream anymore. It’s very very real. I was so reluctant to let him into my life because I was convinced that the other guy was the one for me. I tried my best to keep him away and convince myself that it was the first guy who was meant for me. But somehow I was so drawn to this guy. The Universe just gave me this gut feeling about him. I just couldn’t help myself from meeting him and wanting to talk to him. And even when we did get together, I would think “Maybe it’ll get that one jealous and propel him to me”. I know that’s not very nice, but I’m human and I was a part of a non reciprocal love for a long time! The guy I am with now is pretty much what keeps me going. He believes in me like nobody else has. He makes me feel like myself.

I am writing this to show you guys and myself that things are as easy or as hard as we make them. Holding on to something is harder than we think. Letting go is easier than we imagine. It is in fact the easiest. Ask and let go and it will come to you in the best way that you may not even see now.

Lots of love and light to everyone.