I Learned “Correct” Gratitude From My 5 Year Old Self.
My first encounter with “The Secret” book was 11 years ago. I was struggling in my studies in University and I was looking for some inspiration from a bookstore. I saw the book and thought it is a fantasy story. I grabbed it and opened it and if I remember correctly, I read a line that answered many of the questions swirling in my head. I felt energy rushing through my veins and I thought that now I was going to achieve all my goals, finally!
After reading the book, I found the movie and watched it at least twice and tried to apply all the laws. I thought I had done something really wrong because all that seemed to happen for me was more and bigger conflict in my life. I tried to get on a good frequency with the Universe several times but felt like I did it all wrong or I tried too hard. I thought I was stupid to believe that this thing works. So I just threw “The Secret” aside.
Later I heard people talking about the law of attraction. I heard stories of success but my bitter experience of not being able to do it right myself didn’t let me believe that these stories were true. I thought that these people probably had something else going on that made their dreams come true. I read some stories on this webpage, I subscribed to The Secret emails, but I just couldn’t make my thought patterns change. The thing I believed in was hard work, and that is what really makes results come for me, too.
Ten years later, looking at my life and lives of others around me, I had to throw out my pride and arrogance after taking notice that The Secret had come yet again to remind me in podcasts, conversations or in a pile of books that my friend wanted me to take to him. I realized that I still had not found a solution to my achieving my dreams that I had a decade ago. I had just gotten more bitter and hopeless about having the life I once dreamed of and believed in.
So, I started again and did like many others that I had read about did. I started to be grateful. But instead of feeling joy, I got more stressed. My anxiety about my abilities to notice good things grew during my first 5 days of gratitude practice. I had to acknowledge that I was feeling stress rather than feeling grateful.
So I read the stories here, trying to find a clue that I could follow and find a solution for my anxiety. Each time I read about somebody praising the habit of being grateful, I felt tears coming up because all that my “gratitude” did for me was make me feel afraid that if I was not grateful enough or not grateful in the right way, I might lose everything that I love now.
I didn’t want to think about that so I just stopped. However, I did not really want to quit. I realized that if the subject of “The Secret” kept coming back to me then I had to learn something from it. My failing trials with gratitude stopped me from practicing the law of attraction for a while but I kept reading The Secret stories from here and looking for whatever inspired me or gave me joy.
During this process, I started looking back on my life and I realized that I had used the law of attraction without knowing about it. So one morning I decided to write a list of things I had manifested before so that I could use this experience to find the ‘right way’ for being grateful.
I remembered my first manifestation when I was five or six years old. A kid’s magazine had a Christmas’ competition for drawing pictures about Barbie’s Christmas. The prizes for the winners were big, at least it seemed that way for me as a child. Without any intention to win, I just read the competition ad every night before going to bed. While reading it, I pictured myself playing with all those toys and I felt so happy and blessed. I didn’t draw any pictures but my mother did just because she found a new and fun technique for making a collage that she wanted to try. She didn’t do it because I told her that I wanted to enter the competition but she sent the picture in without telling me. All I did was sincerely see myself playing with those toys and feeling happiness and joy in the moment. I didn’t know why I was reading the ad every night before going to sleep. Probably because I liked the feeling of picturing me with the toys, just pure love for myself being happy. I had no limiting thoughts about the number of other kids that sent their pictures in nor what the prizes were and if I was worthy of them. It was just me and the joy. Remembering this took me back to that moment and that feeling. When reading this and my other manifestations on my list, I realized that every time I had achieved something with the help of the Universe, I had felt worthy, that this is made for me. Every time the joy I felt came with also the belief that I was worth it. All thoughts about possible competition or having to have a realistic view of life did not exist for me in that state of mind.
This is just the start for me, but thanks to your stories and The Secret, I have found my state of gratitude. The mind journey that took me there taught me what is standing between me and the life of my dreams. I should not believe “the laws” of amounts or talent or that if I am receiving something then I am taking it away from someone else.
Thank you for believing and sharing and I wish that you get in tune with the Universe and rock your life as you should!