I am ready
November 2010, I found out I am HIV positive, my boyfriend cheated on me and left me and I was also slowly losing my job. I felt that the whole world turned its back on me. I had suicidal thoughts. I took anti-depressant pills. I also tried drowning myself with drugs and circuit parties but I was crying when I get home and all alone in my bedroom. I talked to my friends, researched the internet about self-help tips, I was writing in my journal all my heartaches because I am scared to tell my friends about my HIV status.
I was desperate for help. I tried watching funny videos but none of these solved my problem. I applied for therapy and my insurance denied it. I didn’t know what else to do, then I watched The Secret over and over again until it grew on me, and I finally understood that the answer I was looking for was here all this time. It was ME. I was the answer.
I finally understood that I created my own universe. I attracted all these things that happened to me…every bit of it was mine and no one else’s.
I understood that my life is mine and no one else’s. Why am I waiting for other people to make me feel better. Why am I waiting for things to happen while I have the power to do it now because this is MY life. It is my only life. My happiness is not dependent on anyone.
I went back to my diary. I convinced myself that I am well and I do not have any anger in my heart. I started writing all the good things that happened, that are happening and will happen to me even though it wasn’t there. I focused my attention on the good things. I asked myself what I really wanted and I push myself to work towards it.
After two and a half months of my breakup. I called my ex-boyfriend and had a very good lunch with him. He was surprised that I was doing well. I have a new full-time job. My workplace and the people I work with are really nice. My projects are all successful. I am reviewing for my board exam. I am writing down business plans and goals on my diary instead of heartaches and problems. I am in better communication with my family. I hang out with my friends, I cook for them, shop with them and sing karaoke instead of doing drugs and partying. I smile more whenever I talk to people. My confidence is back. I am working out again and slowly getting to the shape I always wanted.
Everything happened because I chose to be HAPPY. I chose to dwell on the good things. I focused on what I want and I spend every single moment of my day towards it.
Sometimes I am still scared that this might be temporary because it is happening really fast, but whenever this thought comes into my mind, I immediately think about my goals and what I really want…happiness at the end of the day, peace when I go to bed at night and lots of love towards everything and everyone around me, then I am back to my happiness.
Thank you The Secret for helping me love myself again, for making me stronger, for opening that secret within me..thank you so much.
Oh! By the way… my friends are asking me, what is my secret?….I told them…its THE SECRET!