How to find and keep the love of your life
I so love reading the stories here! Oftentimes there are many stories about people finding their special love. I wanted to share my story about finding and keeping my beloved husband in the hope it will inspire others.
I had had a very difficult marital breakup that left me with one tremendous gift, my son. When my marriage broke up, I knew I had to allow myself to feel all of my feelings without judgement in order to move on, so I did. About eight years ago, I decided I was finally ready to start dating again. I used an on-line service to do so. I did not write out any lists of perfect qualities or anything like that because I had reached a point in my life where I knew myself pretty well and had good self-acceptance; I trusted the Universe to bring me a compatible person. I was not looking for a spouse, just someone to have fun with, but I was open to it developing into something more.
This attitude took all the pressure off of me of “analyzing” every guy I met. Interestingly enough, within a very short time I met my now husband. We had lots of fun together, but he was very clear with me that he was not looking for a serious relationship – he also had a very bad first marriage experience. I suggested that we take it one day at a time and if it’s not fun anymore then we should just be honest and move on. Instead we kept dating and after a few dates I knew he could be the one, but I also knew I had to believe what he had said. I made two rules for myself while we dated. The first was that: “Great love is worth great risk” and I would say this to myself often when I would start to become anxious about our relationship. The other rule was that: this relationship would take its own course in its own time and I needed to honor that.
I realized before he did that he was also falling in love with me, but I waited for him to come to that, which took him about eight months to do. Even then we did not rush things – we dated for another full year before moving in together and then married about a year later, but I have never forgotten my rules because they still apply. We thank each other all the time for the little things we do for each other.
When you stop risking your heart, you are at risk of losing your love. Every day you have to look for the beauty in your beloved, even if he leaves the toilet seat up or doesn’t squeeze the toothpaste tube the way you like. Fact is you probably have habits that irritate your love too.
I am more in love today than I was five years ago when we married. I expect that our love will continue to grow because that is my intention. I also maintain myself as an individual as does he – it is never healthy to expect someone to complete you or be your world.