My Dad passed away unexpectedly a few years ago. I was devastated beyond belief. He was my very best friend, and whenever I visited him I felt all the stress drain from my system. Now he was gone, and I felt like I would never have someone to talk to ever again, and that all this guilt and stress would live on with me. Well it did, to no surprise.
I did not go to school for a month. When I finally did go back to school I felt more alone than ever. I did not have many friends because I believed I didn’t, just as I believed no one liked me very much, so they didn’t. That year was painful to get through. So much so that half way through it, I decided to move to Tyler, TX with my Mom. My Mom had been working there and I had been desperately searching to find a way out of this hell I was living.
My negative attitude still brought about bad circumstances, but I continued to live my life down there, even though I still felt isolated and alone.
Once again I tried to seek a way to “escape”. I went to a new school, wondering if things would be different. I didn’t think they would be. So once again, I had no friends, I was alone again. I got very used to this idea of being alone. I started begging for someone to bring meaning into my life, someone to love very deeply, and I would know in an instant if this was the right person. To my surprise, I did find such a person. He and I had a very strong connection, but because of my negative attitude I decided it wouldn’t go anywhere, and so it didn’t.
I kept him in my heart, and decided that it was my burden to bear alone, and so it was. I still had no friends so I begged God to please bring someone into my life who would be as good a friend as my friend Julia in New Hampshire. Someone who I could lean on, laugh with, forget stress, and someone who was not as religious as people tend to be down south. And soon enough, a month later, Katie showed up. She wasnt religious at all. We became very good friends, and remain so to this day.
It was then that I heard about The Secret over the summer of eighth grade. I wanted very much to believe in its teachings, but I had been so used to thinking that things were meant to be hard, and that I wasn’t meant to be happy. But slowly and surely, things began to change.
Before that summer, I said that I wanted to become more outgoing, and sure enough, some of my shyness faded away. I wanted people to really like me, and sure enough, when I returned to school people started to talk to me more, and asked me how I was on a regular basis. I started to hear many accounts from people how other people really did like me and wanted to know me. 9th grade went a lot smoother from then on, but not completely because I still wasn’t totally in that attitude of gratitude.
Now, for years I was also having panic attacks and had no idea how to stop having them. I find it hardest to imagine yourself without something when you’ve become accustomed to it, so here was something more I need to change my thinking about. I started believing that I am very calm and under control, and I have not had a panic attack in weeks.
10th grade has been the kindest to me. I decided early that year that I wanted to become inspirational to others in many ways such as fashion, or living style. I am very straightedge (don’t drink, smoke, etc.) and I wanted to promote that idea. Since then, I have become the no. 1 person to come to for fashion advice, and I have become the trendsetter in my grade, which I never expected because I was far from it in middle school. I started to become more confident in myself, and began to really define myself. I wanted people to love me for my individuality, and sure enough I have people coming to me all the time saying how they love the way I am.
Because I know now that things are under my control and I can bring prosperity into my life, I’m moving onto bigger and grander dreams. This is only the first entry of many I plan to write telling you of how wonderful life is now that I have The Secret. My dream is to be an actress and help people all over the world with inspiring stories and to help people see their potential, and I know I will achieve it.
Now that I have the greatest gift I could have ever hoped for, I know I can do anything.