My first relationship was a negative experience for me. I was very young when it started, it lasted 4 years and the guy didn’t treat me well. It left a deep impact on me and I developed a very negative belief system about relationships and about myself. I believed that all guys would eventually cheat on me and leave me and that I wasn’t worthy of having a great relationship.
This negative belief system was so powerful that I remained single for 10 years. In my 20’s I cut off all guys in the early stages of dating out of fear of being rejected. I rejected them before they could leave me and I sabotaged a potentially great relationship with a very nice guy I met when I was living abroad. I had so many mixed vibrations regarding relationships; I was longing for a great partner to share my life with and start a family with but at the same time my negative beliefs were holding me back completely.
When I turned 30 my fear of staying single forever became even stronger. It consumed me. I realized that I needed to shift my focus to other things. I started to focus on my career and I got hired at a huge petrochemical company.
The first day I was picked up by one of my new colleagues. He directly intrigued me, a tall man with beautiful dark hair and he seemed a bit shy. However, it became clear he was married when I got to know him better so I didn’t think much of it.
One year in the company and I managed to get off the subject of relationships and just focus on myself. Loving myself! I started to feel amazing.
Suddenly the man I met on the first day, started to see me daily and he told me a lot about himself. We started to become good friends. Secretly I had a crush on him but of course, he was married so I didn’t let him notice that. After a few months of being good friends, he suddenly opened up to me that he was falling for me. I admitted that I got the same feeling as he did but we decided to do nothing with our feelings because we didn’t want to hurt anyone. We never got physical and I am still super happy that we didn’t.
Even though I thought I would handle this one well because I felt so good about myself lately, I started to get my old feelings again of not being worthy and that I would never find someone who would love me completely.
Then one night, The Secret came into my mind and I remembered about an episode on Oprah where someone mentioned making a list of your dream partner and so I did that:
– Sweet person
– Adores me
– Handsome with dark hair
– Older than me
– Good hearted
– Caring man
I wrote the list and got off the subject. I was done trying. I forgot the list. I found a new job with a better salary, started to love myself again and just was happy, even though I was single.
Then out of the blue, I got a text from the man of my previous job that he wanted to talk to me. I was reluctant at first but decided to listen to what he had to say. He called me saying that he and his wife had split up and he wanted to see me. The rest is history, we are super happy and he ticks all the boxes on my list! I never knew how happy a relationship could be!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!