For the whole 17 years of my existence, being positive and believing in myself was something I seemingly couldn’t achieve. People all my life had been reminding me over and over again that I can do or be whatever I set my mind to…I didn’t give it a second’s thought. Constantly degraded by my own thoughts of self doubt, self loathing, and a lack of self worth, nothing motivated me to progress, or to change for the better.
The first time I saw The Secret was when I was visiting my mom in Utah. It was an early December morning, and after a night of pouring out my problems on her, my mom decided that I needed to watch this movie. And I remember thinking at first, “Wow, this movie is exceedingly corny…” But then something inside of me erupted, and I felt almost a burning sensation in my heart; I had confirmation that this secret, this Law of Attraction business, was actually true.
I got genuinely excited. I remember getting a piece of paper and writing down everything that I truly desired in the perfect man (due to my lack of confidence, my love life was never really up to par). But I also recollect the difficulty I had trying to conjure up the perfect man. I never really had preferences. I just went with whoever deemed me fit.
The year had passed. I hadn’t watched the Secret since that morning, nor did I really care to watch it. I continued to be depressed, despite my mom quoting The Secret in an attempt to bring me back. I shunned it, almost involuntarily, not really knowing WHY I was shunning it, it just came to be that way, I had guessed.
Then, on September 19th of 2010, I went over to my friend’s house for a meeting with missionaries. They were LDS, I was not, and I went over there every Sunday to be taught of the Gospel. After the missionaries left, I felt peace. But I knew in my heart that the peace wasn’t going to last, for when I was to leave that house, I was going to start feeling depressed all over again. I had already sentenced it. Turns out, I didn’t leave until much later than normal…why? Because we decided to watch The Secret.
I watched it intently. I hung on to every word. I absorbed every aspect of that movie, or as much as I could. That peace inside of me remained, and there in my heart instilled a newfound feeling: hope. I left that night overcome with joy and happiness, and hope and determination. I can’t even begin to describe the feeling that the Secret brings upon us, because it’s so ineffably surreal, so subtle yet so profound, that we can only go with it and not to try to understand it to its greatest degree.
Now, I’m sitting on the computer, at school, with that peace and hope still in my heart. I made an effort last night and this morning to do all I could to maintain these feelings. So far, it’s worked. I played my guitar this morning, wrote more of my song (which has been extremely hard for me to do as of late), felt confident when I walked into my school (which trust me, this is a first), and I just feel more relaxed and in tune with everything. It certainly is a tremendous feeling, and I just know it will last for my days to come.