2012 was a challenging year for a lot of people. It was a challenging year for me. I moved house, changed jobs, my marriage broke up… where was it all going?

To make things even more of a challenge, my new home in the Outer Hebrides was far, far away from family, friends and colleagues. I felt isolated and alone. The new job was not what it appeared. I felt I was replaying old life patterns. The story was always the same. I was a tragic heroine, doomed to life of martyrdom and abuse. Enough!

From out of the chaos I met an old school friend Angela, who by coincidence had moved to the same island a few years before. She had turned her life around. She had met her soul mate, was doing the job she loved and living in the place she loved. She told me about The Secret. We watched the DVD together.

What was this about? I asked myself. Anne, your a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist, you help other people fix themselves and you can’t sort yourself out! Then I realised that like most people I had been focussing on my problems, breaking them down, analysing them, energising them, amplifying them and manifesting them!!

I started to focus on what I DID want in my life. I distinctly remember watching Lisa on the DVD. She said “You do deserve to live in bliss” and I said (out loud) “Right that is it! I want a new job, same pay, same area in 1 month!”

Bang! 2 days later a great job appears on our agency’s internet. At first I thought this is too good to be true. The old negative thought patterns creeping back. But then a good friend I’d made in the spiritual care team came up to me and said “Anne have you seen that job? That would be ideal for you”. I knew then that I had to apply. I did and I got the post despite all the competition.

At the same time I started thinking about my personal life. I was always attracted to men who were for want of a better phrase “train wrecks”. It was, I realised, the repeating pattern. The need to fix people who appeared unfixable. The need to be the tragic heroine. NO more!

I had reconnected with lots of old school chums via facebook and I started setting myself up. I had been attracted to a guy, another train wreck scenario, and of course he was as dysfunctional as they come.

I told my story in serial form each night. I began with me, “Tragic Jane”, forlorn and windswept on the moors. People really liked it. I started getting more and more messages from friends I hadn’t heard from in years. I started laughing at myself a lot. It was great. I felt free.

I had a talk with the guy I almost allowed myself to get involved with. I was honest and open about my feelings. Suddenly I realised he looked smaller than I imagined. It was as if I was seeing him for the first time. Pop went the bubble. It was almost immediate. I was no longer attracted to him at all!

Still, I felt I needed joy in my life. My own joy. Not dependant on any guy or material thing. Mmmm I thought, how can this be?

I had promised to help out with some charity work for Alzheimer Scotland. They were having a fundraiser and needed lots of stuff to sell. Well I thought, I’ll clear out my garage and help out at the same time. I got my old jeans on, tied up my hair and set to work. I’d never really checked out my boxes prior to the move. I’d just piled stuff in. As I started to unpack though, in amongst all the stuff I planned to donate, I started to find treasures!

The first thing I found was my black tail coat! It took me right back to the 1980’s. My dear friend Ree had made it for me. We were massive Def Leppard fans. We did the whole look, with our permed hair, tight, ripped, stonewashed jeans etc.. Then I found my old records, my CDs. All my happy memories started flooding back. We used to love going to gigs. All sorts of gigs and despite being a massive fan of Def Leppard, they were just about the only band I hadn’t seen! Not good enough I thought!

I went and did an internet search. They were on tour in the USA. Boo, I thought. I can’t afford to go to America and snapped my laptop shut. Then I quickly chastised myself for this negativity. I reopened the laptop. I redid the search. I scrolled down. Yes, they were touring the states BUT they were going on to Europe. They were playing France and Spain before going on to Scandinavia and back to the States again. Spain is cheap, I thought. I did a search for tickets. I checked out the air fares. They were reasonable, but I was being crazy, wasn’t I?

I posted my antics on facebook that night and got an immediate message back from my old school chum Fiona in Lossiemouth. She really wanted to go. She loved Def Leppard. Right I thought, I am on this. I searched and searched again and got a really great deal. Everything fell into place, flights, tickets, accommodations, etc. We were on our way to Barcelona in 24 days!!!!

This afternoon I was sitting back, chilling with a coffee and feeling really grateful and excited all at the same time. I was thinking. I am remembering who I am. I feel joy for the first time in years. I feel really happy. In the background I was listening of course, to Def Leppard. The album playing was “Slang” which was one I didn’t listen to so much, but recently I had been playing a lot. Then I caught the words of the song and I just started crying and crying. It was, “All I want is everything, am I asking too much”.

I had to post this. Thank you xxx