Unbelievable and True
Once I became consciously aware that I had been using the Secret, the lovely coincidences that have happened to me my whole life started to happen faster.
I bought this book online for myself and it arrived the weekend before Christmas. On Monday I went back to work and decided to try out what I had just read. I’d been battling hormonal, stress-induced, late-twenties acne for months and months. It was painful, ugly, returned me mentally to my insecure teenage years, and did horrific things to my newly non-athletic self image. So, when I went out on my lunch break, I envisioned myself with a perfectly flawless face, repeating to myself “clearskinclearskinclearskin” as I slurped down my chicken pad thai across the street from the office.
When I returned to my desk, I saw a plain brown box perfectly perched on my planner, marked “Proactiv”. It stopped me dead in my tracks. The woman who had signed for the delivery informed me that it had likely been delivered to the wrong address along with some other mislabeled mail, there was no name on the invoice, no way to track whom it belonged to besides the last four digits of the credit card which had been used to pay for it, and (very kindly) suggested that it might help me. I burst into tears.
Encouraged by this early and instantaneous success, I decided to think big. On the long drive to see my mom for the holiday the following weekend, a mantra began to form in my head. At first it made me giggle because it was so outrageous, so greedy, so selfish… then I made up my mind to own it. As I repeated it to myself the giggles turned to chuckles and by the time I reached my mother’s house, I was laughing so hard that tears were starting to run down my cheeks. Obviously, arriving at one’s mother’s residence in such a state merited an immediate explanation. So I told her, “I’ve decided to stop thinking of myself as being satisfied with being single and alone. Instead I’ve started telling myself, ‘I am in a happy monogamous relationship with my rich hot healthy husband and he loves me sooooo much!’ I just haven’t met him yet.” Hey, aim high!
Remember how the book tells you that your feelings are a good gage to see if your thoughts are on the right track? That bubbling laughter was my first sign of what was to come. Please keep in mind this was just a month ago. No, I am not about to tell you I’ve run to Vegas and married Elvis to prove myself right. This is much better.
I am a recovered insomniac, but for whatever reason, on the night of December 29th I was wired. My eyes wouldn’t even blink, never mind peacefully drift closed. So I did what every single with an internet connection does at 4AM when there’s no witnesses – I went on Yahoo Personals to do some window shopping. I excused my behavior to myself by using the experience as an exercise in positive thinking. I made my title say “In a monogamous relationship w/ my Future” and briefly stated my new way of thinking. Within 5 minutes of creating a searchable profile, I had 3 emails. At 4:30AM! And they just kept coming. A couple of them seemed interesting enough, so I subscribed and sent out a couple of messages. As soon as I was set up with the service, boom, instant sleep. Out like a light. It was as if an intangible something was making me stay up to do this.
The next morning… ok, the next afternoon, I checked in on my mailbox and was stunned with the overwhelming response. A lot of frogs, to be sure, but one in particular caught my attention. I think it was the expression on his face that stopped me from outright deleting his generic “Your profile made me smile” automated nudge message. When I clicked on his picture, it zoomed out to show a little blonde girl sitting on his shoulders in a pink coat with skinny leopard-clad legs dangling over either side of his neck. She was looking straight into the camera with a very matter-of-fact expression while his attention was on the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day crowd. The most serene and pleasant smile hovered at his lips and his big hands were wrapped protectively around her tiny little ankles. One of the things I always thought was that I never wanted to get involved with a man who already had a child. I squinted at the caption hoping to see something along the lines of “my niece”; instead I saw the section marked “Proud Parent”. Still, rather than deleting this blatant affront to my handpicked selection of computed prospects, I wrote him a note indicating that if he were able to have patience with my complete and total lack of experience with men that have a strong sense of responsibility, then I’d be happy to hear from him.
After writing several novelettas back and forth within mere hours of each other, he gave me his number on New Year’s Day. I left him a super brief phone message agreeing with him that the typing had become tedious and there was so much more to say. He called me back around 5PM. On the way to get a glass of water during this conversation (in which I had also had to run and plug my phone into the wall), I caught a glimpse of a clock. No way! I scooted into the next room to make sure it wasn’t broken. Nope, it was 10:01PM. He didn’t believe me either until I told him to look at his watch. It still took almost another two hours to say good bye.
Our first date was set for Saturday the 5th at 6PM. The best was the voice mail I received Friday around lunchtime declaring that the wait was killing him, and that he was free that night. I had all kinds of things I was cramming into my night to get ready for Saturday so we just spent another couple of hours on the phone instead. By the time he picked me up for our date, I had flocks of butterflies in my stomach and he had a dozen pink roses and an obscure movie I had mentioned in passing during our first 6+ hour conversation on DVD as a gift. He opened the doors for me, offered me his arm (which felt like a nice big rock), and didn’t ask me to pay for my half of the food. Whoa, a real gentleman. He started cooking dinner for me the very next day. His mother did something right!
Back to the Secret mantra. It’s a month later and I can’t sleep again. This time it’s because today is one of those increasingly rare nights when I’m not in his arms. He shows me in little and big ways how much I mean to him. Everything from buying a hairdryer for his apartment to introducing me to that adorable little girl from the first picture I saw of him. I can truthfully say I am in a happy monogamous relationship with my financially comfortable hot healthy boyfriend and he loves me soooooooo much.
The truly amazing thing is that I love him right back.