To be or not to be !
Lets start from three months ago. I was near to killing myself. I had negative feeling all day long, every day. Every good happening would make me happy for just a short period of time. Although I had a good life from anothers point of view, I hated my life.
I have a strong imagination, and I remembered every memory worse than it really was. I repeated these memories several times in my head. I made problems in my mind from nothing and I got very strong bad feelings every time I did. I always hated myself.
Another thing about me was my perspective on life. I always focused on bad things in people and the world and I thought this was the truth of life. I couldnt believe things that were not logical to me – and logically I thought everybody and everything are bad, and that the world is against me. No one could change my perspective.
Three months ago, I was in dilemma. Kill myself or control my mind. Of course I chose the second one. I used the Secret teaching. I started to think positively. Each time one negative thought came to me I tried to stop it by thinking of a positive thing or trying to make any kind of fun. It was too difficult. Sometimes a negative thought came into my mind suddenly and made me have a bad feeling for half a day but all the time I was trying to change it without giving up.
Sometimes I got disappointed but knew that if I gave up I would turn back to bad days. I had this kind of life (trying to stop negative thoughts) for a month. That was difficult, but the miracle happened after a month. At a night, while I was thinking about my worst memory, my feeling changed into positive form. Before that moment I had tried a lot to convince myself that I did the best in that situation but never worked. This time I felt no regret at all.
After that moment my life changed. I had positive feeling even while I was thinking about bad things and it lasted for one month. After that, negative feelings came back little by little but I stopped them by reading Secret stories shared by you all, and the Daily Teachings.
This spring the second miracle happened, and that was health. I had strong asthma every spring. But this year not only did I have no asthma problem but I also started working out 3 days a week. I think it happened because I released my negative feelings about myself. You know – I saw myself and character as weak and I had no real confidence. After changing my mind, my confidence increased and I ‘fell in love with me’ just as I’d heard in the Secret and I got healthy.
I just want to thank you (one hundred times.)