Things fall into place
I grew up in a family whose father was dominant and mother seemed to be doing whatever necessary to keep him happy. As I grew up, I just knew that I wanted to be somewhat independent, not relying totally on anyone or allowing anyone to dictate me. My parents raised me the best they knew; but never encouraged me to dream. They wanted me to be a government officer and live in that same house if possible.
I had some other ideas… I want to see the world, do what I enjoy, and explore myself. Those were only ideas… maybe I could do it, maybe not. They were not precise desires. In my family, asking for more or too much from God is regarded as ungrateful. We should take what is given and be thankful. Don’t ask too much because we don’t deserve them. My parents reminded us that we get what we deserve.
With those ideas left in me, I sailed through my life… my journey took me to Germany, I married the man who loves me, blessed with a gorgeous daughter. The first 2 years were really hard. Adjusting to a new life in a foreign country of pale-coloured people left me in a deep depression. While suffering from conflicting thoughts to live or to end my life, I was provoked by a lot of self-questioning and reasoning. What do I want? Where will I go? What will happen to my daughter? My mind answered my own questions. I want to get out of my depression, I want to have a life, I want to be a great mom, I want to have a job, I want to have friends… I want back my life.
It was not that my husband did not support me – he travels a lot and didn’t realize my emotional emptiness. I was very good at hiding my depression.
Slowly things just fell into place. When my daughter was old enough to attend kindergarten, I got part time job offers. I have a few trustworthy friends. I told God that I want to go back to my country every year by hook or by crook, and he granted my request. Every year I fly home and stay there for more than 5 weeks. My life has been great!
Something happened that brought me to some deep thinking, reading, and this site. It is too complicated, but I am finally glad that it happened. I believe in myself, my strength, my journey. I am keeping a journal, I have my Secret vision board… every day is a special experience for me now. I am including the element of fun, as sometimes it’s not so much fun in my life.
I’ve started asking for specific desires now. I know what I want. They are not just ideas. They are mine…I feel the energy coming and it will be realized sooner than I thought. I know the Secret now. Thank you for bringing this to us. Sometimes a little bit of convincing can do wonders!!!!
When the time comes, I will write again, sharing new experience and adventures.