THERE IS LIGHT AT THE END OF EVERY TUNNEL
As a girl who typically went from relationship to relationship, keeping my feelings at a far enough distance to avoid getting hurt, I never allowed myself to grow too attached to anyone. This fulfilling lifestyle of mine constantly ended in the same fate: I would intentionally look for negative qualities in each partner and grow increasingly critical while keeping myself unattainable. Eventually, the person would give up on trying to “win” me over and mess up out of frustration. This is where my defenses would come in and all the blame was placed on them because I never actually “did anything wrong.”
This time around, however, my usual attempts and games did not work. I had met my match. I had found someone who was smarter than the others and was able to make it past my HUGE walls. That was over 2 years ago, and as I sit here writing this now, that person is gone. Although those 2 years were full of ups and downs and a roller coaster of emotions, with both amazing times and awful times, I can look back on them and see that through that time I was able to grow into a woman capable of loving like never before. Although the relationship was built on immature grounds, it transformed me into a different person. I suddenly began to admit feelings and I felt myself care. Furthermore, I not only came to terms with these feelings with myself, but to others all around me. This was unusual and not the typical behavior my friends and family ever saw from me. This time, it was different.
Unfortunately, these new feelings scared the hell out of me and I could not figure out how to handle them. I became attached, clingy and feared the worst at all times. I tried to control my partner because I could not control my feelings (which I now understand are not BAD and are not meant to be fearful of) and as a result, pushed him far far away. The more I tried to hold on, the more I pushed him and the more I pushed him, the more attached I became. Suddenly, I found myself to be a completely different person again. This time, however, I was the girl that I had always feared of becoming and the girl I always told myself I would never be. I stopped going out with friends, stopped caring about myself and only lived FOR him. My world revolved around HIM. I was confusing what I thought you should be doing with these feelings with what you really are supposed to do, and that is to trust and love effortlessly, without force or control.
Although the recent break up with the love of my life was done by me, the original reason for it was because “he was immature.” I started resenting him wanting to go out with friends more often, which led to hearing from him less and less and fighting more and more. The wonderful relationship that we had once had seemed to be slipping through my fingertips, and the tighter I held on, the weaker I became.
It has only been one week since the break-up, and in this short period of time The Secret has helped me to realize many many things about both myself and my actions in relationships. My initial blame and criticism have completely vanished as I grow more mature and understanding of the situation. I now realize that the reason for the downfall of the relationship is because I stopped loving myself and I allowed my insecurities to project onto my partner, by trying to take up every minute of his time. I am no longer angry with him or upset or hurt. I understand that that his actions were simply reactions to what I was attracting. With this knowledge, I also gained a huge amount of appreciation and gratitude toward him as a person. Although this time right now is extremely difficult because we are still so much in love, I understand that it is necessary in order for the both of us to love ourselves again, and to one day love each other in that same way.
This story may not sound like the typical fairy tale with the happy ending, especially because the hardest part is right at this very moment, but the beautiful part about it is that in this difficult time, I have grown and will continue to grow for as long as it needs to take. It is in this time away from one another that I truly believe our relationship will deepen and mature. I have a greater sense of trust now in him than I did when we were together, and that is because I have filled myself up with so much love that I truly believe this is only the beginning. I know that this is not the end for us because I believe in my heart and mind that it is our salvation. I have grown to love this man more than I have ever loved anyone in my life, and sometimes it takes losing them to truly feel that love.
Although I applied the secret about a month before the break-up to the relationship, I believe that this time off is not a downfall, but a part of the path to my overall desire. The sacrifices that I am willing to make (not being together) for this man are ones that I would never be caught dead doing before, but would expect to be done for me. I am not saying I am a careless individual, in fact I am one of the most caring people you will ever meet, but when it comes to relationships, I was always too fearful to give what I expected back.
I will continue to give love and gratitude for my partner, while using this time to also re-love myself and all the other wonderful things in my life. I truly believe with all of my heart that this is the man I am going to marry and spend the rest of my life with, but I also know that I will be just fine without him. However, love never fails, and the love that I have for this man is indescribable. I am so grateful for the knowledge that The Secret has given me about myself and my relationships, and I am overjoyed to have found something that finally put it all into perspective for me. The Bible says that, “Everything is possible for him who believes,” and I truly believe that with all of my heart.
Thank you so much for giving me this gift and for allowing me to see life in an entirely new light. I am looking forward to the day I return here to share my story of my “fresh start” with my soulmate and the man of my dreams, as I know the day will come. Until then, I will continue to manifest this desire each and every day, but I will also remain grateful for everything I have received, am receiving and WILL receive.
Remember, DON’T EVER lose hope and continue to BELIEVE!! No matter how hard the struggle, there is always something to remain grateful for and there is always something to look forward to.
YOU HAVE THE POWER WITHIN YOU TO CREATE YOUR OWN DESTINY. ALWAYS REMEMBER AND ALWAYS HAVE FAITH. T H A N K Y O U !!!