When I was one week old I was adopted. From the age of three until the age of twenty one I was hit and verbally abused by my mother. My father would close the door and not intervene. My mother was an alcoholic and clearly depressed. My brother was subjected to the same levels of violence although his stopped when he joined the army. I did not make my escape until aged 24 when I moved to London. I was codependent on mum as she was of me. Over the years I would be subjected to the same levels of verbal abuse. That abuse included sentences like you are too fat for these, you will never make anything of your life, you are ugly, stupid and cannot achieve anything. Of course I believed her.

My life was a living hell fueled by sheer strength of character coupled with fear, self doubt and a need for love. And this continued to age 50. I married a man who was dependent on me, as I of him.

Roll on many years. In 2014 I read The Secret and was determined to change my life for the better. I also read The Power and realized I had to forgive. Forgive my brother, my mum, my dad and my husband as well as forgive myself too.

In 2015 I downsized my mother from a large house to a small flat. She was intense and aggressive with me. Hoarding and depression had taken over her life. We had many heated exchanges. My husband proposed she move close by. She agreed to do this. I knew I had to confront her and say I had forgiven her. I focussed on all the good aspects of my childhood. I also thanked mum for rescuing me from a potential children’s home situation and giving me a good moral background from which to live my life. I put to one side all the beatings and shouting and I focused on what I had to be grateful for.

One day in 2015 when she was due to move nearby she confronted me and asked what had she done to me to make me so angry with her. In a gentle voice I said “Where do you want me to start?”. She looked in horror as I told her snippets from the past. She asked if I wanted her to leave my life. I said no as I loved her, but she needed to acknowledge what she had done and say she was sorry.

She said she was sorry, how much she loves me and how I was always the light of her life. I said we could start again.

And that is what we have done. At the age of 51 and 82 we are closer than we have ever been and for both of us we are starting a new life. I gave my mother The Secret to read. She has thoroughly embraced the book and is now like a new woman. Fun loving, loving, gentle, kind and my friend. Before she had been riddled in pain, now she walks three miles a day. My forgiveness has freed her of pain and a anguish.

Thank you to The Secret for showing me a new way. I still need you, you are my security blanket but I trust and believe The Universe will watch out for me should I make my desires clear and believe what I put out there.

With love,
Tracey