Life was always chaotic. I never had real direction. I always started things but rarely accomplished anything, except a 3 year program to become a veterinary assistant, but I stopped there and hardly ever worked in that field. All I wanted was to be happy, but I didnt know how. Most of all, I was never satisfied with what was there, or if I felt happy I wouldnt accept it, fearing the worst and sadness to come.
I went through many ups and downs. At the age of 32, with a 2 year old boy (separated from his dad) I met this man who seemed perfect. Although I never felt any love for him, I had two more boys and we had the house with the white picket fence, perfect to the outside eye. On the inside it was a different story: I was literally suffocating, on survival mode from his psychological and physical violence. I didnt know where to turn – I had no work, no money of my own and I was very scared. I didnt leave him although I wanted to, because I didnt know where to go, and once again I would screw things up. We were what is called a very dysfunctional family, my 3 boys and I were in danger.
One night, we had the usual big fight, but this time I felt that he would kill me. I found a shelter to go to the next day and left with my boys. For 8 months I went through hell, I was a mess psychologically and to top it all, I ended up with a bad lawyer to plead my cause. It ended up with my ex husband getting full custody of my two younger boys although he is an unstable and violent man. I get to see my boys every other week. There was a huge hole inside me; I really did not want to live anymore. But, fear of death and the love for my boys kept me alive. I felt really bad even when I saw the boys during my weekend. Although I never had any real direction and made a mess of things in my life, there always was some kind of strength in me, and an unconditional love for life.
In January 2009 I started school again to be a nurse. I love school and I work very hard, but in the beginning of the semester I had a hard time concentrating. The fear of what my ex husband could do and the hole in my heart from missing my children kept overpowering me. I wanted something to help me get rid of what I called the contamination and I needed to get some sleep. I had seen the Oprah show on the law of Attraction a few months back and was very intrigued. I surfed internet for hours reading about the Secret, and decided to get the book. I had a hard time finding it, but one day I walked into a bookstore looking for an encyclopedia for my son, and it just showed up in front of me! I started reading it in the street and was hooked. I bought the movie three days later.
You (The Secret crew), the book, the movie and the Universe have literally changed me and my life. Im not scared anymore, I enjoy my days, I love life, I sleep well, have no money problems, and most of all, although the judicial debate with my ex husband is not over (He is threatening to bring my children to live in another country) I know for sure that the final result is that: I am getting full custody of my little guys right here in Canada, that we will have a wonderful happy life together. I sometimes start doubting because I try to work out how my biggest wish can be manifested. In those times the Universe shows me with little things that there is no doubt to have and the How it is going to happen is up to Him! I say thank you all day long because, I feel reborn. It is so wonderful; life was never so great and fun!
Thank you for being alive and to be here to teach my children The Secret so that their life will be as wonderful.