Out Of The Darkness
Going back 7 years ago, I was in what is known as a bad marriage. I was in this thing for keeps but he didn’t want to know. He was having affairs left right and centre from the beginning and I put up with it because I thought that if I loved him enough, he would stop the verbal and physical abuse he was dishing out.
Rather than things getting better, they got worse. As you can imagine self doubt, despair and all the other negative thoughts and feelings came into play and things spiralled out of control. The abuse got worse than ever, self esteem took a nose dive, health deteriorated, work performance suffered everything was just….bleeuuurggh!
After one particular episode of total devastation of physical and mental pain, I said to myself, “How did you get to this point? You are such a positive and forward thinking person. You cannot let this madness continue!”.
I then started to keep a diary and wrote down everything I was feeling and what I wanted to do. The abuse continued to get worse and worse until it was life threatening, but I kept on writing.
Then one day I just stopped. I had turned a corner and started to write what I WANTED to happen. I realised that even though my religious BELIEFS stopped me from leaving him, the TRUTH was I was MEANT to have a better life than this! So I started to write what I WANTED. The home I wanted, the kind of man I wanted, the kind of LIFE I wanted. Everything.
I KNEW that my future did not include him, but how? I KNEW that I was going to live somewhere else, but where? I KNEW that this nightmare was going to end, but how much longer must I endure? I was in a living hell and I could not see a way out other than to write, continue to write! I felt almost crazy but I knew somehow that this was the way. My life depended on my writing. I couldn’t explain this to myself but I knew that it was crucial to KEEP ON WRITING!
I finally plucked up the courage to get him arrested, and have the police move him out of the house. Then I went on holiday. While on holiday the nightmare started to subside, or so I thought. I got the news that he had committed suicide, so I had to come back after only being away for a couple of days! I had to deal with the inevitable fallout following what had happened. The consensus was that I could not come back to my home to live, as the incident took place there. For me the nightmare was gaining momentum with no end in sight.
I had to get re-housed. So I started packing everything I had, even though I was told that the property I was in was already large enough for a single person. I had already made up my mind that I was moving! I wrote down the particulars of the new home I wanted, location, size, the facilities, everything. The Housing Association rules are a single person cannot get allocated to a two bedroom property as they would be under-occupying. There was also a bidding system to be able to be considered for any available properties.
Cutting a very long story short, the property I was interested in had everything I wanted. I was informed that a computer error did not register my bid, but somehow I was allocated the property. The room size was an issue for me. The new property had a very large bedroom. There was a cupboard door which opened into another room! It was not counted as another bedroom because you have to walk through the main bedroom to get to it!
Fast forward to 5 years later, I am in my new home and enjoying it. I have met a wonderful man and we are soon to be married, and I am starting to live my dreams as I wrote them. I know LOA works! I am the LIVING proof.