My name is Nicole. I’m 20 years old and I’ve battled my eating disorder and won.

Halloween 2011 was the scariest day of my life for not only me but the rest of my family. It all began back in March 2011, I had my standard grade exams coming up and due to having a personality that strives for perfection I was aiming to do the best that I could do! However, who would have known that my constant hours and days spent in the dining room studying would have lead to what it did. I became extremely stressed with the amount of pressure I felt was on me and because of this it lead to a medical condition. Months were spent back and forth to the doctors not seeming to get any further forward with answers. What I had was making me feel that I had to restrict my food intake and before I knew it I had became physically and mentally scared of food! All I wanted to do was eat but something inside of me was telling me if I did I would feel uncomfortable, my eating disorder had full grip of me. Mealtimes became a constant battle in the house and resulted in screaming matches and tears. My meals were increasingly getting smaller and smaller. My eating disorder was eating away at not only my body and soul but spreading its darkness into the loved ones around me watching my body became a fragile frame. My passion in life is dance and because of my body’s state, I was unable to attend classes. The monster inside me was sucking all the happiness from my life and from then on the downward spiral was getting faster.

31st October 2011 I was referred into hospital for an endoscope but when the doctor saw me she wouldn’t let me leave the building as my heart rate was so low and body too weak. I spent 6 days in hospital before being referred into an adolescent unit for mental illnesses due to my body being too fragile to move. There I lived for 4 months fighting my battle to win back my life!

Whilst in hospital I read “The Secret” and the book changed my life! It helped me believe in my dreams, that I would be able to get myself back to a healthy life and be on stage back doing something I loved. Along with support from family and friends, my determination to get back on stage was what pulled me through. March 1st, my Mum’s birthday, I was discharged from hospital; however that was not the end. For another 7 months I would be in the hands of my community team that supported me with my transition from being institutionalised in hospital to being back in the outside world. Without doubt it was the hardest challenge I have ever had and will probably ever face in my life!

I believe everything happens for a reason and because of this, I have come out a stronger, positive individual that knows exactly who she is. That year I had only spent 3 months of my 5th year in school and managed to achieve the highest SQA Higher art exam result within my school and received another in a higher subject. I have followed my dream by pursuing a career in dance in which I am currently training. I’m also an ambassador for ‘Beat’; the UK’s leading eating disorder charity. Beat aims to change the way people think about eating disorders, challenge the stigma that people with eating disorders face and campaign for better services and treatments.

I have so much to thank these books for as they helped fire my determination not only through my illness but in everyday life! Whenever I feel like I could use a boost, I reach for my book. I regularly help others that are struggling with various mental illnesses such as eating disorders and depression and every time I do I mention “The Secret”. Words cannot describe how thankful I am and how lucky I feel to have come across this book. “The Secret” has without doubt made me a better person and helped shape my personality along with my illness and made me a better person. And for that I am forever grateful! I’ve lent my book to friends, people I’ve helped, one of my Dad’s colleagues and even my Mum. Nothing is impossible!