I have pitied myself my whole life. Even as a little kid I’d cry because I believed I was unloved and unwanted. As a teenager I hated my body and went to therapy for an eating disorder. I suffered through multiple relationships, all of which ended in turmoil and heart break. Ever since I was fifteen I’ve been in and out of therapy, for reasons ranging from anxiety to self-mutilation. I saw myself as a weak, pitiful human being, an antagonist of my own life. After my most recent ex (who I thought I was going to marry) broke up with me because of my anxiety, I lay on my bed and cried for days. I hated myself. Once again I was alone, unloved, and unwanted. I told myself through tears that I just want to be happy. I looked up at the ceiling towards heaven and said “Please, I need some help”.
That’s when the Universe brought me The Secret.
As I cried over my ex, a good friend of mine said, “You should watch The Secret”. She didn’t say very much about it except that it would help me feel better. I found the movie streaming on Netflix and had no idea what to expect as I hit the play button. By the time the film was over, I was glowing.
At first I didn’t focus on loving myself. Instead, I played fun games with the Universe like attracting easy things such as pennies, specific flowers, money, etc. Sometimes I’d hold on too tightly to certain things I wanted to manifest, but as soon as I reminded myself to let go and let the Universe take care of it, that’s when things would magically manifest!
I was blown away. I was so focused on positivity that the anxiety which had plagued me for years which I had accepted as just a part of my personality, disappeared within weeks. One day I looked in the mirror and manifested love and adoration for my body, something I’d never done before. Later when I walked to the supermarket I was approached by 3 different men who gave me polite and genuine compliments about how lovely they thought I was! That had never happened to me before!
After a few weeks, I tried using The Secret to win back my ex. To my amazement it worked, but when we started dating again, things weren’t the same.
I became very aware of his negativity and egoism, things I didn’t realize before. He blamed me over and over again for every problem we ever had and didn’t take any of the responsibility himself. I tried to tell him about The Secret, but he thought I was stupid for believing in it. He was very judgmental and cynical about my new found happiness, and within a week I felt my anxiety returning.
I wrote down a list of things I loved about him, hoping that by focusing on his good qualities the Law of Attraction would work it’s magic. However, I realized that no matter how much I tried, I wouldn’t be able to excuse or ignore the negative aspects of his personality which were harming my spirit.
We were on different frequencies, and as much as I didn’t want to lose him again, I couldn’t settle for the pain our relationship was causing, the pain I used to think I deserved. Although the thought of breaking-up again and thus being alone terrified me, something within me urged me to leave him. Our break-up was messy and extremely painful. I let myself cry, get angry, feel every emotion that came to me, but not once did I judge myself for my feelings. I knew that letting myself feel the sadness was a part of healing, and that the Universe would teach me something important through my suffering.
It’s been six weeks since my break-up and the day I decided to truly discover and love myself. I do want to have a loving and peaceful relationship with a good man some day, but I learned that in order to love another person unconditionally, we must first love ourselves unconditionally.
I turned The Secret inward on my soul and have spent every day writing qualities that I love about myself. I’ve never been so aware of my thoughts and emotions, nor have I ever been as gentle with myself as I am now. The thought of being alone used to frighten me, but I’ve been having such a wonderful time with myself that being alone doesn’t matter anymore. I’ve found that I am the creator of my own happiness, and every day the love I feel for myself comes ever more effortlessly. I’ve never been so happy, so peaceful, so trusting in God and the Universe as I am today.
It doesn’t matter who you are or what you’ve done, you are a Creator and hold all the magnificence of the Universe within you.