Love me tender… finally
Well, here goes nothing…
I have been asking God for sometime to explain to me why I experienced such a terrible heartache months ago. The funny thing is I felt that God betrayed me, was punishing me, and didn’t see me as worthy to have a successful loving relationship.
You see, the man I am in love with I got back through the Secret. I realize that now. I had watched the DVD round October, and I was honest with myself that I wanted to be with him. In January he asked me to be his… again. Yes, this was an ex. An ex that I loved still and had broken up with out of fear of not being truly loved by him.
I was scared that I was more head over heels than he, and that is why I pushed him away and was reluctant to show the joy that I had in my life because of him.
Fast forward to now. After months and months of soul cleansing and tons of self love, I feel strong and reborn. I realize and relish in my beauty and kindness and all the good things that make me me. I no longer feel ashamed or alone or sad or unloved. My ex has found a wonderful woman to make him happy. And seems truly happy. I am blessed that I have the grace of God to be truly and selflessly happy for him. I still wish He and I had worked out in a relationship, but I trust God and the Universe.
Who I am now is who I would love to show to him, but the best part is I love being with me and am very proud of myself for my journey as a Peaceful warrior in life and love.
I don’t really know if I am being clear enough in how the Secret helped. So let me clarify. I asked for this young man’s love in such desperation, when I felt alone and depressed, and I realized He did love me and always did. I just was not in a place where I could fully receive it. I already had the love that I craved so badly.
Perhaps in comparison my story isn’t as presto-chango as the others. But I am content to know that I don’t feel like I wasted myself loving someone who never gave a damn. I know in my core that he did. And still does. We are just living our lives now.
I trust that God will put me in a relationship, and in a place in life that will fulfill my every need and want.
My story is really a change of perception, and of the gratitude that I feel that I can finally see. And I feel blessed. I am blessed.