Living in Love
After two marriages with men who refused to be who I wished they were I found myself single for nine years. In that time I had two different boyfriends. One was an alcoholic (who helped me get in touch with my own afflicted behavior and heal it) and the other was very young and had “a lot of potential”. I so wanted to be in a commited long-term relationship, and no man I found was willing to be who I needed.
I decided one day, after a flash of intuition, that I would never “find” love. I realized that the only love we ever really feel is the love inside ourselves; we never really feel love from others. I think of John Hinkley and Jodi Foster as an example: He “loved” her so much he had to shoot the president about it, and she didn’t even know he existed.
I decided I would be “in love” all by myself. I did my best to feel the feelings I thought were associated with that first rush of a new relationship, and to conduct myself as a person who is in love.
People started noticing a positive change in me, and when asked what was different about me I would say “Why, I’m in love!” “With who?” was a common question, and I would just say I didn’t have a person attatched to the feeling, I was just in love.
I had been trying to date on singles websites (but saw myself as marginalized in the dating world since I am very tattooed and often like to wear pink or blue or other colored hair) and I was having no success. After I decided that I would just go ahead and be in love whether or not I knew a man to be in love with…He appeared.
My AA sponsor suggested that I visit another twelve step program, and the first night I walked in he was there. “I’m glad you’re here!” were his first words to me. We had met previously (he remembers, I didn’t) but I wasn’t able to see him at the time.
We were married in October of 2006, and I’m living in the passionate, devoted, honest and joyful relationship I always imagined for myself.
This happened to me before I was made aware of “The Secret”, and now that I’ve been introduced to it as a system of thought-creation I’m so excited to begin creating the home/business address I’ve always wanted. I’ve been operating on an intuitive level, and now I’m consciously creating on purpose rather than just flying by the seat of my pants.