Little Things That Universe Gives Me
I was generally a depressed person.
My parents had a divorce when I was still 3 or 4 and my childhood was travelling from the north to the south of the country, being kicked around between family relatives.
My father was devastated because of the divorce. For a long time, I had seen him sleeping in the car outside instead of coming home to bed because our home was a constant reminder of how badly things ended between him and my mother.
Sometimes he would just looked at me for hours without a word, I asked him what’s wrong and all he said was I had my mother’s eyes.
Living with relatives and people I wasn’t familiar with, I understood that I needed to hide my emotions and put out my best behaviors at all times.
After going to junior high school, I started doing things that would upset my father just to irritate him. Part of me had always blamed him for leaving me behind.
Finally I got arrested at the age of 15. By that time he was married again and had two daughters. He tried to take me back as a part of the family. However, living in that house made me feel isolated. I felt like an outcast even though I had a great relationship with my stepmother and my sisters.
One day, when we were out for a family event of my step mother’s side, I overheard other people talking about me and they believed that I was my father’s sibling’s child.
I suppressed my feelings and just smiled at them. But I had held the grudge since then and I couldn’t let go of it. During the night all I could think of was that conversation I overheard.
I left home again shortly after the incident and moved in with my grandparents. Moved out again and started living alone around 6 months later.
I started skipping school, my grades were dropping, people I hung out with were dangerous, places I went, things I did were all a mess.
My father tried to asked me back home but I moved out for college, which was on the opposite side of the country, and of course I chose to go there because all I wanted was to stay as far as possible.
When I saw The Secret, I believed in every word of it.
However, no matter how hard I tried, my wishes never came true. I asked, I visualized, I did everything the book talked about, nothing. I decided to ask for one last thing from the Universe and I would discard this myth if it didn’t answer me.
I asked for something to tell me why none of my wishes worked out and a way to fix it.
A week or so later, I got a book from a gift exchanging game for Xmas, The Magic. My thoughts were, come on, not again.
However, I realized that this is exactly what I asked for. So I sat down and started reading the book.
For the practice Day 1, I couldn’t even find a thing that I was grateful to. I was frustrated, I sat in front of the computer for hours and I decided to type down my life, to help me understand how I became the way I am.
When I started to go back, I realized that there were so many positive things that happened in my life that were neglected because I chose to focus on the wrong part of my life.
I forgot that even though my mother left the country, she still cares about me. She sent me gifts and cards every year on my birthday no matter where I am. I forgot that my father would always stay with me when I woke up in the middle of the night because of nightmares. I forgot how much my grandparents, both mother and father sides, love and care about me.
I forgot the first day of me entering primary school, my mother was there. She didn’t come to say hi or she didn’t even know that I saw her whipping tears across the street.
I forgot that all the time travelling and changing schools, my father only sends me to the best school. I forgot when I was arrested, it was my father that was there and it was my stepmother that talked to me and supported me.
I forgot that it was my sisters that I laughed with, sent time with, and all those moments full of love. I forgot how my father respects my decisions even when I threw them right onto his face and just walked away.
Thank you, Rhonda Byrne, for showing me that life is full of gratitudes. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Thank you, daddy, who always loves me and supports me. thank you, thank you, thank you.
Thank you, mother, for loving me always and forever. Thank you, thank you, thank you.