Like a Phoenix
I finally got a job! Ive decided to tell this story backward and walk you through my emotions at each stage.
I am so happy and grateful now that I have a job! Its freed up a lot of my mental energy to devote to schoolwork, I can save, and its helping my relationship with my mom because I dont have to borrow from her to get by.
Before, I would worry all the time about paying bills, etc. because cuts to education have left my monthly school stipend short about $2,500 since the start of the New Year. Happy New Year! Right? Im also planning to move soon and didnt have any money saved and my mom (I love her so much!) was basically clearing out her savings account to help me. Anyway, Im finishing up my MA and had trouble concentrating on it because I would worry about said financial strains. I would remain positive, but the calendar seemed to become more and more noticeable as the days dragged on.
Finally I was inspired to erase my dry-erase calendar and close my wall calendar. This was Thursday, I got a phone call on Saturday asking if I can come in next week to start training! But it wasnt easy. That same Thursday I broke down completely and I allowed myself to do so because it felt like I was going to lose my mind from trying to stay positive the whole time. I leaned into those feelings and let it all out because I knew I could start again once they were purged. I cried, I got angry, I cried some more, I fell asleep, I woke up crying what a hot mess! But it felt really good to get it out of my system for a day and I used the stories here to bring me back.
I always pray to the Creator for insight and read the stories here, so I did that once I didnt feel like crying any more. I prayed to the Creator to show me how to hang on, trust and let go; that I was sorry that I was like doubting Thomas and needed solid proof (those were my exact words), that what I had asked for was on its way and all I had to do was let go and trust the Universe. Imagine the look on my face when I read the story here entitled My Proof.
To make a long story short, Im glad I had a day of doubt. Im glad I had a day where I let my negative feelings take over, just for a day, because it allowed me to learn a lot about myself and my relationship with the Universe and Creator. If I didnt, I would have probably kept all that energy pent up, and that energy kept me from being able to let go.
With that, I feel Im legally obligated to say, Results may vary (yes, Ive studied law), but maybe the Creator gave me the nudge to share my story with someone in the same position I was in. Reading My Proof brought me to tears because I knew the Creator was listening always listening – and had indeed heard me. Perhaps my story will be confirmation to someone else as well.
Hang in there. I know how you feel. <3