Like a boomerang
5.12.08 – Was the day I met a girl and fell in love for the first time in my life. It was the first time I had ever felt so strongly, or allowed myself to. She was, in every way, perfect for me. I am originally from London, and her from Farmington, New Hampshire, so the constant distance and traveling was devastatingly straining on what could be a beautiful relationship. Despite the distance, we spoke of marriage, and of moving in together, and it did not scare me in the slightest, the thought of moving fast with someone for the first time. I loved her.
7.17.09 – Was the day she left me. Broke my heart in a phone call, saying that she met someone new.
7.21.09 – Found a very dusty, unopened copy of The Secret tucked in my bookcase. I realized while reading that I had drawn her leaving. I had been so worried with the distance, that she would leave me for someone ACTUALLY THERE. It was a constant worry.
7.22.09 – Was the day I decided to use The Secret.
9.19.09 – Was the day I gave up.
9.20.09 – Was the day I realized the flaw in my approach. My wish journal and my wishes became routine. I asked CONSTANTLY, and was therefore expressing that I didnt already have what I wanted. Even though I was praying for her return, I was mourning for her absence, and her happiness with someone that wasnt me. This was also the day I tried again. Feeling love and happiness for her, and allowing myself to feel the way she made me feel months prior.
10.20.09 – Was the day she contacted me. Nothing special. Wanted to say she was sorry for the way things ended. She was still happy with the other guy.
10.27.09 – Contacted me a second time and said she didnt want to talk anymore, that the new boyfriend didnt like it, and she would do anything for him. I continued to be happy.
Her out of the blue texts and IMs happened every couple of weeks and always ended with her telling me that she didnt want to speak anymore.
12.14.09 – Was the day she contacted me out of the blue once more and told me she still wanted me but that I was all wrong for her and that we were finished.
1.12.10 – Was the day she told me that her boyfriend left her. I was secretly happy. We talked daily after that but only small talk, and she was sad about the loss of her boyfriend. We talked about us then and only ended up fighting about how hard the relationship had been with distance and how horribly it had ended. We butted heads and eventually she told me for the first time that she hated me and wanted nothing to do with me.
I was bringing negativity and continued to draw distance between us.
3.24.10 – Was the day she re-uploaded a picture of her and her ex, though for fear of the answer, I never asked if they were together. It was also the day I focused on happiness and being grateful for having her in my life, rather than the high school-like worries of uploaded pictures.
3.25.10 – I wrote a fake journal of an IM conversation between the two of us, where she told me she was still in love with me and that she wanted to work it out. I acted as if it really happened. Then let it go. Stopped worrying about it.
3.27.10 – Today she contacted me with a very similar statement to what I had written down, saying that the breakup was for nothing more than the distance, and that despite how hard she tries to stay away she can’t fight that she still loves me.
These dates mean little to you, and though it was a rocky road to what I wanted (only due to my worrying), I got exactly what I asked for, by finally finding the place where I could feel as if I already had what I wanted. We contacted and fought and stopped and talked again and then wouldnt for a while, and it makes me wonder if I had gotten to this place earlier, if I could have brought her sooner. We are working it out now, and being completely honest with one another. Our love has not died, and through my work of The Secret, we are bringing it back to life. 9 months apart, with her in love with someone else, with us fighting, with us having problems… with the seemingly impossibility of it all… I now have her. 🙂