I am in the tough process of literally cleaning up my life. I have had a very terrible relationship with someone who is extremely emotionally abusive and at times, physically abusive.
The whole cliche’ of ‘why would you do that to yourself’ is very vivid and it’s real. I think because I’ve felt that I wasn’t enough, that I’m not worthy of good things. I have allowed myself to be a victim and to feel sorry for myself instead of pulling myself from the wreckage and live the life I was meant to live. I’ve been longing for so long for my soul mate that I’ve attracted very toxic people into my life. I’ve let them in and let them overstay their welcome.
I’m finally realizing at 43 that I’ve wasted precious time, effort, and money on people that simply don’t care about me at the end of the day. The sad part is I kept going back, knowing that’s what I would get all over again.
That’s crazy. I was crazy.
This person would tell me that I was chunky even though I work out all the time. He said I was a narcissist, that I don’t care about anyone but myself. That I lack ambition, and that I don’t want to work. That I am nasty, old and literally can’t do anything right. After a while you start to believe the things you hear every day.
My story is about being a peace with myself. My story is about seeing all the beautiful, wonderful parts of who I am. To be able to fully love myself again. To be able to love others with more due care because I’ve learned the value of self love.
I’m on this journey trying to be strong and staying away from the abuse, like a drug addicted junky. For me, he was a bad drug that I couldn’t stop using.
I feared no one else could love me and that finding the right person just doesn’t happen to people like myself.
I can’t explain how dark and powerful the feeling of hopelessness is. If I try, it feels like nothing, like the endless, dark path that can’t heal even with the best intentions.
I have to overcome this.
I have not fully healed. There is so much more work to be done. I can say that The Secret and the inspiration that it has given me has really helped so much. It helped to stop the negative thoughts I have about myself. It helped me to find love, and to be genuinely happy. Everything is starting to shift. I am going to continue to believe in myself, as cheesy as this sounds.
If I don’t love myself and radiate that, it’s going to be very hard for the Universe to know how to help aid me.
Thank you so much for reading. I hope that we all find what we are meant to accomplish in this lifetime.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!