I got what I didn’t ask for
In September of 2007 I was at my local Walmart and I saw The Secret. Something about the book made me get it. Well, I got home and went to read it, and guess what? It was in Spanish. So I put it down and said wasn’t meant for me to read.
Two weeks later I was back at the same Walmart, only this time I had to get a suitcase to visit my mother in Orlando. I had never flown before and it would be a 2 hour flight so I went back and got The Secret again, only this time I made sure it was in English. So on the flight to Orlando I was so nervous and scared. I got the book out and started reading right away. I was so into the book I didn’t notice we were up in the air. The next thing I knew I was feeling good and landing.
On that day I made a list of things I wanted. I had been seeing this guy for a year on and off and I wanted him to love me and commit to me. I also wanted a new truck. Not just any truck, but a Copper colored Chevy Avalanche. The last thing I wanted was a 10 dollar raise at my job.
Every day I tried to stay positive. I kept believing every day I would get all three of them.
Well fast forward now to January 2008. Somehow I let myself get down for New Years. Another year alone. I tried to get myself back happy. I read The Secret stories every day to get happy. Nothing was working.
Then my boss pulled me in her office and said I was getting a raise. It was the most she could give me. I said thank you – anything you can do I appreciate it. Well, I was hoping for 10 dollars an hour but I said maybe 5 per hour. The very next day I found out it was only 1.50 more per hour. I wasn’t exactly happy, but I said hey, it’s better than nothing. Every little bit helps.
The very next day I got a call from my Student Loan processor. They told me my payment amount was going up exactly the amount of my new loan. I was soo upset. I left work and went home crying. I let myself say – why me. Why this. Oh my god, can’t I ever get ahead. Then I spoke to my mother and she said, you’re looking at this all wrong. Instead of you having to come up with more money out of your paycheck, you will be taking home the same amount. I really tried to look at it in a good way, but all I saw was: this isn’t my year. This really sucks. My life is this and that. Why can’t I materialize what I want.
The very next day I found out a whole department in my company was being let go. Now I see it as I may not be getting ahead or even what I want, but I’m not getting behind, and sometimes you have to stay still so you can move ahead. Do I still want what was on my original list. YES. Do I still believe I can have it… YES. When will I get it? I have no clue, but I do know I have a place to live, a Job I really love, and a car to drive me there. In the end I need more patience and to keep my faith.