Healing My Heart Created Health!
As a child, I was exceptionally bright but also very naive and sensitive. I wanted to charm everyone and be loved by everyone. I wanted to shine like a star.
I grew up in a very dysfunctional family. My dad was alcoholic and very abusive. I thank God for having a wonderful mom who tried to keep us safe despite it all. I don’t want to go in details but for years, I suffered in silence from sexual abuse. When I became a teenager, I started to act out a lot, drink, run away etc. I hated my body, treated it in horrible ways… I ended up in foster homes but nothing improved.
I dropped out of school, wasting enormous potential but my inner turmoil was just too much to carry on. I started dancing around the age of 18 for many years. I also “sold” myself many times sadly. I was living with an older man who tried taking advantage of me a few times. My life was hell needless to say. I had men put stuff in my drink and use me… I had all kinds of eating disorders just for the sake of trying to control something. Then, one day, I started feeling very ill physically. Intense stomach ailments among other things. I thought I was on the verge of dying. This went on for a long time, no meds helping much. At this point, I was starting to give up on life completely until the day I was given the book, The Secret.
It took me a while to fully understand it and realize that I had created my illness, body issues, further abuses in my adult life etc. I was still living as a “victim” attracting abuse, holding on to the past and clinging to men who were abusive in some way.
I wanted to manifest my ideal weight and health, get closer to my mother, a job/money but it could not happen since I still had the same old mentality going on and the fear of trusting life/the universe. Slowly, I started to throw away old stuff/clutter and gave up every abusive men/friend which left me with only one friend but at least a TRUE friend.
I quit my bar job and anything related to it. I learned to love myself and take care of my body for the very first time in my life. I started to do some yoga daily and meditation, visualizing myself healthy, joyful and skinny(110 pounds my perfect weight). I told myself repeatedly that I was naturally this skinny and that little “babyfat”(135 on a very small frame didn’t look too good) I had was due to my fears and me holding on to my past.
I crossed a bridge I never thought I could. I feel like crying now because I honestly never imagined I could love myself, let alone anyone else or life. By changing my mind and healing my heart, my health returned and my perfect weight manifested very quickly! My relationship with my mother is wonderful now and I smile more than ever everywhere I go… The shame/guilt/blame vanished. I no longer desire to be around those abusive/negative people. I only meet great people now!
Something in me changed radically, for the better I must say! I now look forward to finding my passions(work, hobbies) and making more friends. I also wish to find true love eventually. I’ve come a long way and I am very proud of myself!
To anyone out there who can relate to what happened to me, keep the faith always. You are never alone. It was not your fault what was done to you. You can heal and find happiness because you DESERVE it! The path may be rocky and your faith shaky at first but it gets better and better. Be brave as I know you can be! As you start loving yourself and treating yourself with respect, you will attract respect, care and love. See yourself glowing with joy, vibrant health and feel the love inside and outside, around you…Walk with your head up high, proudly as a survivor and strong person who deserves only the best and hold on to that image! Things will change, I promise you.