Got my friends back
I know my story is lengthy, but I want to be of support to people who feel that nobody loves them, and so decided to take you through my experience in depth.
Through out my life, I have had an inferiority complex, and have been unbelievably insecure. There were times in my school life (actually, most of the time..), when I was insulted, neglected, and had no friend to talk to. I cried and prayed and cried and prayed for a friend. In my 9th std, I had one lovely friend who stood by me when the rest of the class insulted me.
As I progressed to college, I decided to be a new person. There was not a single person from school, to remind me of my past. That was my biggest relief. A fresh beginning. People respected me. I was popular like crazy. I had such an awesome group of friends, and also friends outside my group, that it still brings tears to my eyes. I had never been taken into any group, ever in my life. Never. Those two years were fairy tale like.
Then I switched colleges to pursue my degree. A posh crowd; enter ‘inferiority complex’. At every stage of my life, I had been given a ‘chance’, an ‘opportunity’ to make friends, but due to my insecurity, I ALWAYS messed up. Initially, everyone was nice and friendly and polite, but thanks to my insecurity, suddenly I was not included in project groups, movie outings and birthday parties. Those very people started commenting about me, laughing at me. Bloody hell. I was in hell again. I was shattered beyond I could bear to be. (eg – I was waiting with some classmates for somebody, and they go – ‘Why are you waiting with us?’). I went into a shell. I spent all my time in the library, reading beautiful books on spirituality, LOA and feel good books (Eat, pray, love). I prayed. I wrote loving things in my journal, comforted myself, listened to music, gave myself love when others didn’t. I knew I had the capacity to be popular. Everyone does.
Eventually, little by little, my popularity started rising. I became closer to two girls (one of whom I was DYING to be friends with.. used the secret for her 😉 – today we share all our secrets), and I have had such amazing happy times with them. I am close to three other girls – one is my 3 am buddy, one used to hate me and adores me now, and the third is damn famous in college. Even those rude classmates respect and love me so much now! I am the only person being invited to sooo many birthday treats by people who are not even in my group! Even the posh crowd is so good to me. Everyone is raving about the weight I have lost, and I also topped my class. I am a ray of sunshine for my friends – I lighten the mood and laugh a lot.
But the most beautiful part is that I found my best friend – ME. 🙂
Today, I have my own friends. I never thought I could.Thank you God, you are my hero. Thank you universe. Thank you Rhonda, Louise Hay, Elizabeth Gilbert and MYSELF, for loving me.