Finding “The Secret”
I can’t do this anymore, I hate it so much. This can’t be right, it feels so unnatural. Why is it when things seem to be getting better, something destroys it every time? I’m so miserable. I hate my life. Maybe I’d be better off if I ended it all now. How can anyone be happy under these circumstances?
How do you feel when you read those statements? Do you relate to them? Have you ever had similar thoughts? Maybe you have those thoughts right now. Those were all things that I said to myself just a short time ago. I hated my life, myself, what I was doing, and where I was. That’s just the short version of the list. Each day I found something else to be miserable about. I cried and cried, asking God how he could allow me to be so painfully unhappy? I really felt and believed that I had been dealt a terrible hand in life, and that it would forever be that way.
Often, after I had soaked in my self-pity for a while, I would try to make myself feel better. I’d tell myself, there are so many people that have it worse than I do. This didn’t help. In fact, it just made me feel worse about my constant complaining. Then, I felt guilty in addition to the other negative feelings I was experiencing. So, for the longest time I experienced despair and hopelessness. It seemed like I would always feel that way.
It finally came to the point that I decided I had to leave where I was. I realized that I would never improve, and I’d never find relief if I stayed there. Three months after making that decision, and not knowing exactly how it would work, I moved to another state. As hard as it was to leave my family and friends behind, I knew that it was the right choice. I moved in with my cousin, and enrolled in college. I decided that I needed to be involved in something that I truly cared about if I was to make any improvement in my life. So I began college a few months after the move and although it was difficult, I really enjoyed it.
It was a very good change. I felt a great sense of relief. However, shortly after the move my depression re-surfaced. Once again I was very unhappy with my circumstances. I became extremely angry with myself. I couldn’t understand why I had become so unhappy again. I began to think that it didn’t matter where I was, what I did, or who I was with, I would always be unhappy. I believed that I was doomed to be miserable for the rest of my life.
Throughout all of this I was reading many books on self improvement. The books brought me relief, but it was short lived. Still, I continued to read them. It was as if I had two wars going on inside of me. One side was surrendering, saying that it was not worth it, I would never find happiness. The other side refused to give up. It kept saying to me, this is not all there is. There is more, life is so much better than this. Keep going, keep looking, keep asking. Despite the fact that I felt terrible, and I really did not see much hope, I could not bring myself to give up. I kept reading those books, praying, and looking for answers wherever I could find them.
Time went on, and I kept searching. Then one day while I was visiting my boyfriend, I found something. I was browsing the Internet for videos about positive thinking, and there was a specific video that got my attention. It was one of a man named Mike Dooley. He was giving a speech at a Toast Masters convention about how our thoughts create our life experiences. I watched it, and what he said really struck something inside of me. My curiosity was now raging. As I was ruminating about the things he said, I noticed another video. It was titled “The First 20 Minutes Of The Secret.” I was extremely interested because I had heard so much about the DVD. I viewed the clip, and I cannot express the way it made me feel. I was so inspired. Relieved. Moved. I needed to see the rest of it. Eventually I found the website for “The Secret” and the complete video. I eagerly watched it in its entirety. I am convinced it was not an accident that I came upon that information. Nothing had ever motivated, or inspired me, the way it did.
I bought a copy of the DVD, as well as the book. Now, I read from the book every day and watch the DVD every week. I am constantly applying the priceless guidance I receive from both. Since I watched “The Secret” on that day, I have found a limitless supply of other helpful information as well. I study this information every morning when I wake up, and every night before I go to bed. I own three small notebooks that I write in every day. In one, I write only good things about the people I know and meet. In another I write about something that I am grateful for each day. In the final notebook, I write down positive affirmations that I say to myself every morning. I also spend at least 5 minutes a day visualizing the life I want as if I already have it. Doing these things every day, in addition to actively applying all that I am learning, has made a dramatic difference in the way I feel. I am much happier, more stable, capable, and I enjoy life so much more. I worry very little, and I no longer focus on the negative. I can actually feel my thoughts becoming naturally more positive and hopeful.
I think that one of the most valuable things I have learned from this is that, I am capable of anything. I have the power within me to do whatever I want. I am not small and weak. I am not insignificant or just another face in the crowd. I am Great, and I am going to do Great things. I have a passion and a purpose, and I am following that and making it my reality. Nothing is impossible. That is the truth. Not just a statement that sounds pleasant. I wish for everyone to come to this place in their lives, this place of knowing that everything is perfect and everything is possible. I encourage everyone to watch “The Secret.” It just may be the answer you have been seeking. If it isn’t, then know that your answer is coming. Everyone has a question, and everyone receives an answer. So don’t give up yet.
I still have many improvements to make, and I always will. That is the beauty of this. You can always be better, and life can always be better. You will never come to a dead end. There is no such thing as a lost cause. Believe in yourself, believe in others, believe in life, believe in miracles. Miracles do happen, and now I know this for sure. Remember, just because you can’t see it right now, doesn’t mean it’s not there, or that it won’t be there soon. A year ago I saw no way out of where I was. I was ready to give up. Now I am glad that I didn’t. I look forward to the adventure I have ahead of me, and I welcome it with open arms and an open heart.
I want to say thank you to everyone who has helped me in my life, and to all those people who are helping millions every day. If it weren’t for these people I don’t know where I would be, but I do know one thing. I’m glad I’m not there.