Build it in your head and he will come
If there is one thing you should know about me from the get-go it is that I’ve always considered myself to be unlucky in love. Growing up, the successful girls at school were always the ones with blond, straight hair and blue eyes, that would flirt with all the guys. I, on the other hand, was pretty (although I couldn’t acknowledge it at the time), but I had light brown curly hair and hazel eyes, and I had always been too shy to flirt with guys. This is how I ended up with the firmly ingrained belief that I wasn’t what you would call a “catch,” and that, best case scenario, I was someone a guy would “settle for” not “die for”. If I had only known that this was going to prove such a self-fulfilled prophecy!
As time went on, this stayed with me. Although it became more than obvious that I had evolved into a beautiful teenager that made heads turn, in my mind nothing had changed. I still felt the “ugly duckling” and my outside looks had no power to change how I felt on the inside.
Not surprisingly, I had no success in men. They would throw me charming glances on the street, look at me with stunned eyes, but none of them ever asked me out. Of course, I rushed to label this as more proof of me being “unlucky in love”, “unattractive” and “plain ugly”. Without exaggerating, every time I fancied a guy, he would do absolutely NOTHING. At some point, I started realizing that my way of thinking was detrimental (I had no knowledge of The Secret back then, but I instinctively knew something was off), and started having a more positive outlook.
I fell in love with this guy, he fell in love with me, and everything was fine, up until I started worrying that I was going to lose him because… of course… I was UNLUCKY in love. In two weeks time, we broke up.
As I entered college, the prophecy continued to unfold. I fell in love with a guy who really turned my world upside down, and then broke up with me. However, he was just the first in a series of copycat relationships. The pattern was the following: I liked the guy, he liked me too, and one of the two: either he would just stop liking me all of a sudden, or we would get together and then he would break up with me in less than a month. This happened to me not once, not twice, but over 6 times! Needless to say this bolstered my belief that I was unlucky in love. During that period, my motto had become the lyrics of Roxette’s “Crash boom bang!” song – “Cause every time I seem to fall in love, crash boom bang!/I find the hope and then I hit the wall/Crash, boom, bang!/That’s the call, that’s the game/And the pain, stays the same.” I loved this song because it told my story, and, unfortunately, it bolstered everything I had built my beliefs around. Much later did I realize that I was putting all my energy and all my FEELINGS into nourishing this self-destructing belief.
I discovered The Secret in a period of my life when I was heartbroken and alone. Actually, I had always been alone, because of my attitude. I was always the most good looking girl at the table (pardon my modesty, but it’s the truth) and ALWAYS the one who was single. My friends got engaged, got married… and I could barely get a DATE, let alone a relationship. This made me sink into work and simply resign myself to the idea that love just wasn’t for me. I felt as if everyone pitied me, I felt like a loser, although I had the most successful career, I was beautiful, stylish, and popular. I remember telling my mom, “For some people, love is not their lot in life… you just have to accept it.” The worst thing is, I BELIEVED IT WITH ALL MY HEART. Every time I would think something like, “I will never find love,” I felt it so deep inside me that it would instantly shatter my entire body. Nevertheless, when someone would encourage me and tell me that I will find the love of my life and get married, I would always dismiss it in my head and KNOW FOR A FACT that this will never happen. I even felt angry at those people, because I felt they were talking out of pity and that his would NEVER EVER happen to me. As incredible as it sounds, this is the truth.
After I watched The Secret, I started to get more hopeful and to place my desire out there, but I didn’t realize my old beliefs were still very much ingrained. Two weeks after I watched it, I met a guy that I thought was a gift from God. I truly and utterly felt he was the one for me and I felt more joyful than I had ever felt in my entire life. Nevertheless, two weeks after, I found out that he had a girlfriend and he had lied to me because he was trying to get me in his bed. Seeing that I wasn’t the “easy” type, he gave up and told me the truth. This broke me into pieces. Exactly like Roxette’s song… “I find the hope and then I hit the wall…”. Once again.
I didn’t lose my faith in The Secret, but I was aware something was wrong with me. For the first time in my life, I was able to realize that my horrendous record with men wasn’t the product of a curse, bad luck, nor bad karma, but merely the product of my own bad vibes that I was sending to the Universe. How in the world could I attract a man that would love me when I considered myself unworthy of anyone’s love? And I would truly feel that nobody in their right mind would choose to share his life with me. I had had these thoughts for so many years that they became a part of me and were painfully hard to let go. In the end I chose to do it.
I got a new job that I absolutely adored and, what do you know, one of the guys that I used to date was working in the same place. Five years had elapsed since our last meeting, and this was the most pattern-like relationship I ever had. We had been great friends, he had a crush on me and only let me know after a few years. I had a crush on him too, but I was so scared that he couldn’t possibly like me for real, that, when he “declared,” I acted weird and scared him away. After the night we kissed, he NEVER called me again nor answered any of my emails. NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL “what the mind can believe, the mind can achieve”. This guy literally disappeared from my life! Now we’re working in the same place and, although he was avoiding me at first and faking that he didn’t recognize me, I ended up sending him an email and asking what was wrong (I had already sent a bunch years before and got no answer). He didn’t reply the first day, because I was still in doubt whether he was going to reply or not, but then he wrote back and said that I broke his heart because I rejected him. We had a talk – I told him that I was the one who felt rejected, because I had feelings for him, and he couldn’t believe his ears! All this time, he had been certain that I was the one who dumped him and wanted to make a fool out of him.
We started talking again and hanging out. He had just broken off with his girlfriend, I was single, and we both started to remember how great we were together, a few years ago. Back in the days, we could sit and talk for hours, laughing and telling our uttermost secrets. After a few weeks of going out and remembering those times, it was obvious for both of us, as well as for our work colleagues (who had no idea of our history), that there was something going on between us. It’s just that we were both too scared to admit it.
One night I had to work until late and he offered to drive me home. That night we kissed for the second time in our lives and it was magic. Do you know that feeling when everything seems to fall into place? That was it! The way we had met, years ago, the way our friendship had evolved and the way we had met again… now, it was fate. We’re so incredibly right for each other that it’s scary, especially since we seem to have nothing in common and we are so very different.
Now, everyone knows we are together and I feel lucky and blessed every day to have his love and to love him in return. He is my knight in shining armor. I just needed to start believing in myself and thinking about The Secret (feeling the feelings of joy and love, having a great job and a beautiful life really helped me feel at ease with myself) and… he manifested. I lost him once because of my stupid insecurities and now he’s back in my life, where he belongs.
I AM SO HAPPY AND GRATEFUL FOR THE LOVE THAT WAS GIVEN TO ME. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!