Anything Is Possible
“You can do anything, be anything. Anything is possible. If you put your mind to it, work for it, you really can do anything! You just need to try, that is the only way you will ever know.” These are words that my step-father, Joseph, would say to us, over and over again when we were growing up. He came into our lives 26 years ago and in my mind he is my “Dad”. He just passed away in April very suddenly and alone. He was 62 years old. All of us were shocked and in complete disbelief. Everyone came immediately home to Vermont. We are located all over the U.S.
There are so many things that I remember him telling me, teaching me, and showing me while I was growing up through life. A few years ago, I called him after a long day at work, and asked my Mom to talk to him. She wondered why – I usually called for her. On that day is when I made my peace with Joseph. We had a good relationship and got along great, most of the time. There were times when he was tough and not always sensitive to your needs, so growing up as a teenager we had our issues, and I wanted to let them go. And this was the day that it all came together. I thanked him for teaching me values, beliefs, and work ethics. I was in a work situation and used these words he said more than once to me over the years, to always do your best with anything you do; if you do a job do it right the first time; your name is on it; don’t fudge a job just to get it done; follow through with your work; if you don’t know something, just ask.” I used these words to get through the situation without losing my cool or job, and I became a better person for it. I told him that he had taught me so many skills and values in my life that had helped me work with all kinds of people, gotten me into jobs that weren’t hiring, learned things not normal to a woman. Even though I did not appreciate it while I was growing up, I greatly appreciated and valued it now. And I loved him very much. I knew it touched him because I could hear it in his voice when he said, “Youre welcome.” He was not a very sentimental guy and it meant a lot to him that I had called him and that I said, “thank you”. Well, it meant a lot to me that he was there for me, kept believing in me, was proud of me, would laugh with me, stood beside me, and didnt judge me.
Now that I am here, living in his house, I feel him with me every day. Most importantly, every skill, talent, value, belief, and ethic that he taught me, I am using here constantly, and I love it! It is who I am!! That is what every parent wants for their children, to know that they have taught them everything they know and have passed on the best of themselves to help create the best in their children. I know I want my girls to know every great thing I know, and I want to teach them that. I have realized there are so many things I need to teach them.
This story is not all about my Dad, Joseph. My story just starts there and it is also why I am now sitting here at the computer writing my story (which I have been doing all day). My life has been in chaos and awful for about a year and half. Last August I made a move that I thought would be the answer for me and my daughter… It was not! Negativity breeds negativity. You get what you attract. I was just attracting more difficulties. It changed a little for the better but we both were very unhappy and miserable.
One day after being there 8 months I said to my daughter, “We need to stop pretending we don’t live here and start acting like we do.” She agreed, but neither of us wanted to be there. She also knew we were not going back to where we lived before, which is where she wanted to be. She grew up there and it is her hometown – all her memories are there and all her friends. We lived there for 12 years and had many very happy years during that time. It was the last 2 years that things started changing. I am sitting here writing this trying to think about what changed then. I did!!! Everything is a domino effect. That is what happened, now that I look back.
I have a dual-diagnosis disorder and at that time and up until recently, I had not been taking proper care of myself, physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. This caused difficulties in my life in the areas of work, finances, family, the future, and being able to communicate to others. The biggest area that it caused the most havoc with was me and who I was. The more I dwelled on something the worse it got and the worse I felt. If I had one negative thought then ten more would come into my head. If I worried about the bills, more would come in. The more I complained about not having money, it seemed that it would be gone on nothing or stupid things, and then I really would have no money. I just kept creating it over and over. Attracting every thought back to me, and not always in a good way.
During this time I am still holding strong to FAITH and to BELIEVE. I keep telling myself to just believe that it will get better, it will get better, and I pray, and ask for help and guidance for me and Lizzie. I asked for a MIRACLE every day to bring us to a better life where we were happy, enjoyed life, felt fulfilled and successful, and were financially secure and abundant.
What ate at me the most was shame, self-doubt, fear, not being able to forgive myself, insecurity. These would cause confusion, anxiety, panic, and then I would become paralyzed and couldn’t do anything. I would get so lost in my head, just drawing more unwanted negative things to me. And drowning myself more and hating who I was and had become.
It was in February that I watched “The Secret” DVD. I had the book and had read some of it shortly before I moved. I had gone away and when I got home I knew I had to watch the movie. As I watched it, I gobbled it all up. I remembered what I had read, and worked on practicing it in my life then as best as I could. It did not last long; I tried to use it and change my thoughts around and envision what I wanted. Of course, I wasn’t totally sure, except to be happy, fulfilled, active, stress-free and financially secure. I am an optimistic person – even through all that was happening I believed it would get better some time. My problem was how and when and why. I always say to the girls, This is not going to last forever, everything is always changing, it will change, and in three months you won’t remember what was so difficult today. You can get through this.”
At that time in my life though, I was seeing a guy who was a strong pessimist. And his energy would drain me and I found it hard for me to practice positive thinking and to talk in a joyous, grateful way, which was foreign to him. Our relationship was very intense and caused me a lot of anxiety. He has a lot of great qualities that I love and want in a man, and that was my attraction to him. I have been single for about 6 years now and have not had any relationships. I had wanted one for so long! I was always telling my brother that and he said to me, “Be careful what you wish for… I asked him to say more but he just smiled. Well, I got my man and like I said he had the qualities I wanted and so many more that I could not even of thought of that I did not want in a man. He was not abusive in any way, that’s not what I mean. Just too much that I couldn’t do and didn’t need. So what my brother meant was to be very clear in your mind and heart about exactly what it is you are wishing for (wanting), or you could get it not quite the way you picture it and be disappointed. I bought myself a shirt for Christmas (every year I buy myself something, wrap it up, put it under the tree with a tag that says “To: Me Love: Santa.” Its fun! The girls like it.) This year it says: “Be Careful What You Wish For” – it is my reminder to be clear.
The guy moved to Montana a few weeks before my Dad died and wanted me to move with him. He knew that Lizzie and I were not doing well there; I knew that moving to Montana was not in the picture for me. He had an impact on our lives and is an important person to Lizzie. Both of us have our own dreams to follow and fulfill. He will always be our cowboy.
Well, as it turned out my Dad died and I needed to be here, it was good I did not move. On the day he died, I got here first and was in pretty rough shape. I spent hours here by myself before anyone arrived crying and drinking, in disbelief, sorrow, and pain. Looking around and seeing all his projects everywhere. When my oldest daughter arrived she was very compassionate when she saw me, but also said that I needed to get it together for my youngest brother who did not need to see me in this condition that I needed to be the oldest sister and be there for him. My brother is 24 years old and Joseph was his only Dad. My brother was completely devastated. Needless to say, I was not in a much better state when he got there. He understood and knew where my life had been and consoled me.
That was on the top five list of the lowest points in my life. Here I was, 39 years old and my 21 yr old daughter and my 24 brother are taking care of me, the wreck of the family. I remember being pregnant with my daughter, watching a movie with my little brother while we were taking a nap and thinking to myself that I was going to take care of them forever and protect them. And now I couldnt even take care of me it killed me. That was the beginning of the two when I returned back to who I really am – Lindee.
The next morning I woke up at 5:30 am, not my normal wake up time (Joseph got up every day at that time), feeling refreshed and alive! I apologized to my daughter and brother for the way I was the night before and thanked them for being so understanding with me. I told them that I was feeling much better and that I was going to be okay and that we would get through this together. We all hugged.
Over the next week, I completely transformed and stepped back into the role of the older sister. My sisters and Mom had been disappointed in me for some time, and really needed me now as well, and could see the difference in me. I took charge of the situation with getting things done and helped everyone get through Josephs death as best as we could. It was just so sudden and unexpected. How do you really get through that? There were so many mixed emotions going on. It was great having everyone home and being together at the house, being a family, working together. When you get all of us together, there are 9 of us – his kids and us (step-children). And man, are we the crew! A fun bunch, we all get along great.
One starry night, my 16 year old daughter and I were outside looking out into the huge, beautiful field, and she asked what was going to happen to the house. I said that it was going to be gone. I could feel her heart instantly break inside without even looking at her. She said, But this is home look at everyone they are so happy here, even though this just happened. We are a family here. Where will we all go when we want to come home or for holidays? We cant lose this house. I explained to her the situation. Then I said to her, You know, we could live here. We are very unhappy where we are now, and this is HOME. There was an immediate sigh of relief and peace came over both of us at the same time. Finally, we had found what we were looking for – we just hadnt known what or where it was, and now we knew in our hearts, right at that moment.
Before we moved last August, I would hear and listen to the song Home by Chris Daughtry almost every day for weeks and weeks. It came out at the exact time when I needed it and the words were mine. I could not have said it any better. Someone knew just what I was thinking and feeling (if you have not listened to the song, have a listen, it will touch your soul. It did mine.). I knew that I was going home. And every moment of each day I would focus on the joy and happiness it would feel like to be home, how wonderful it would be for all of us. I would walk around in such bliss and a smile. I truly believed this in my heart. I knew we were going to have the life we wanted and deserved and our future was filled with such happiness, joy, and abundance. I had faith and believed.
So I made the move back to where I grew up, thinking that was home. And like I said earlier, things did not go as I had planned or hoped in my head, and it did not feel right. Right from the day we moved in, nothing went smoothly. I could not understand why this was. I truly believed I was where I was supposed to be, and why was it not working, it was only getting worse and worse. I was attracting one difficulty after another. I was just digging myself into a huge black hole.
I held strong and kept moving forward. I am not a quitter. I had my cousin get me a plaque that said BELIEVE. She also got two others as well, LOVE and DREAM. They have been in my kitchen windows ever since she got them for me, and I look at them several times a day to say to myself, yes, I can do these things, and yes, I do these things. Well, it was not until after Lizzie and I had our realization that I became clear that the home I was coming back to was here. I had focused on it for so long and now it was right here before my eyes, I knew it.
I talked with my mother about us moving in and taking over the house, and she thought that would be a great idea. She knew the situation I was in and knew in heart that this was that absolute perfect place for us to be. My parents own a house in North Carolina, and my Mom spends most of her time down there with my sister at the other house; she has for the last few years, and is not here in Vermont much. She knew she would not be able to keep the house by herself. They have lived here for 12 years – rented and been caretakers of the house and property. They always had hopes of buying it but were never in the position to do that. My parents had great visions and dreams for this place, both of them are (were) very creative.
My parents wanted to move to northern VT, so one day they were driving around checking places out and after a long day of driving around, Joseph was ready to go home and my Mom said, just one more road. So they turned up this road and there was the house. She said this is it! The house was empty and no-one was around, and my Mom left a note saying that she was interested in the house; she left her name and number for someone to contact her. They didnt know if they would hear from anyone, but they did hear from the owner and, they ended up renting this huge, old beautiful farm house on 127 acres, with a large field and incredible views of the mountains. My parents have spent years clearing up the property, doing landscaping, making gardens, and working on the house. It is just so beautiful here. The house we grew up in, in southern V T, was sold 18 years ago, so this is home, and has been for 12 years. Like I said, everyone lives all over the country; this is where we come for family gatherings, to be a family, a whole. Joseph loved seeing and being with all of us together.
My Mom and I told the family that I would be taking over the house and everyone was a little shocked at first, and then they were glad and happy to know that I would be here, for many different reasons. I told one of my brothers that I was moving into the house and he said, It is just what you wanted, just in unexpected sad way. This brother of mine often talks in riddles to me, and if I listen carefully and do pay attention it is to my benefit. If not I just shake my head after the fact and say, Okay, I see and I learned what I needed to, and laugh at myself.
Well, here I am, living here at the house. Many things have happened. It has not been easy for anyone in the family since the loss of Joseph. For some unknown reason, my life, my daughters, my mothers, my sisters, and my youngest brothers lives are in complete upheaval. It is not just one stress happening, its like fifteen million all at once for each of us. Now I know and do truly believe and I have said this continually throughout my life to many people, even through all that I have been through – that things happen for a reason. And that I know for myself that everything that I have gone and been through in my life; good, bad and indifferent, have made me who I am. However, I do not understand why it is happening to all of us at the same exact time and yet I do.
For me, I have many reasons for wanting to live here and why I am here. I knew the day after I first got here. It is to be who I truly am and what I am, to live and love my dream and to fully be in my life. I spent the first month or so getting Josephs personal affairs in order, and I found that very rewarding because I was in some way giving back to him for all that he gave me. I was using all kinds of skills that he taught me while I was doing this, confident in myself with the ability to handle the task and get it done. One Christmas I made plaques with quotes on them for everyone. Everyones was just perfect for them, Josephs said: If a task has once begun. Never leave it til its done. Be the labor great or small. Do it well or not at all! I looked at that every day and still do.
I do many things here at the house during the day, doing things outside that I love, that I have not been able to do for years. Many people think that it is work, I think that it is just getting stuff done, making the place look great, being outside, being active, using my skills, being productive, etc. One reason I took over here was to continue what Joseph started, and use all that he taught me, because all that I know can be used here every day. I have been looking for years for a place where I would be able to use them all, and I found it. There is so much I can do here; each day I am like, Which one do I want to do today? When I first got here it took me 6 ½ hrs to mow the lawn. Now I have it down to 4 hrs 15 minutes, however I do keep making the lawn bigger. People ask why I mow so much of it; I say that it is so beautiful that there is just no part of the lawn that I could give up.
I realize that I am talking about my Dad a lot as I write this. And I have heard that a death of a parent is very difficult, and it has been for me, as you see. Every day I am reminded of him and feel him everywhere, especially being here at the house. He helped me in so much and I miss him very much and will for a long time. His death is absolutely awful and so sad to me. At the same time, it was a total awakening call for me to snap out of it and get back to the living, get of your pity pot. Another lesson I have learned in my life time, is that everything happens right when it is supposed to!
When everyone was home I was and became the older, supportive sister that my younger sisters and brother had needed for so long. They came to me and I was there for them. I wanted to be and have always wanted to be there for them. I have always wanted to do all that I could to help my family in any that I could. They knew they could count on me. Another reason I moved here was to hold down the home front, to be home base. To let them know I would always be available for them if they ever needed anything.
I love my daughters very, very much and have tried to give them the world, perhaps sometimes to a fault. I try and teach them all that I know and give them values and beliefs that help to make them good women. And they are two great beautiful, wonderful young women. Well mannered, polite, generous, compassionate, strong, intelligent, curious individuals. I am a great mother. The last year, I have not been as attentive to their needs as I could have been, and that has caused some emotional hurt with us. We were all feeling lost and disconnected from each other. It has been the three of us for quite awhile and we were a team, and it just wasnt there anymore. It killed us all. I wanted that back and all of us needed that back. Being the Mom, it was – is – my task to do that because of my immense love for my daughters. And I knew that would happen here. I had to make changes in me first to be able to help them and us.
One day my Mom said to me that the problem was that I didnt even know what I wanted for my life. It was hurtful. Then I said, Yes, I do. I want a simple life. No drama, no stress, no anxiety. I want to be able to putter outside on projects and the lawn, work on fixing the house, keeping me active outside working with my hands. I want to make friends in the community and be part of the community, in this small town. I want to be active in my families lives. I want this to be a home for everyone. I want to live here. I want to have a job or some kind of work that is fulfilling and rewarding to me, that I use my skills and talents at; a job that keeps my mind busy and growing. I want a simple, enjoyable, happy, and abundant life. And of course I dont want to have to worry about money all the time. What else do you need? Do I need to have a master plan?
There are so many things here that I have wished for many years, and now I have them. For years I lived in towns where I had street lights at night and had to pull the shades to keep the light out and so that no-one could see into my room at night and when I was changing. I once lived in the woods and had windows with no curtains and loved being able to see the night sky before I went to bed and being able to change in my room without having to pull the shades. I wished for that feeling again and wanted to be able to go to bed every night seeing the night sky. In my bedroom, I have two big windows that look out over the field on the hill and every night I get the night light in through my windows. I say Thank you. I made friends here within a month of being here and I live in the country. I was having problems making new friends in the past. Certain things are coming together and I know this exactly where I am supposed to be, I know this in my heart and soul!
There had been things that were not falling into place, though. And that is where the negativity started feeding on the negativity again. And I started attracting more unwanted problems which caused doubt and fear to creep in and take over. I worked on staying focused on my goal, which went in and out. I am sure you know self-doubt, fear, and panic are very strong it can also put you in a state of not feeling like you deserve anything at all, especially if you put your own self in this awful terrible predicament, that no-one else did it to you. You know what I mean, those automatic thoughts that go around in your head telling you that you are no good and cant do anything. Two weeks ago I was in that place and it was a whole lot worse than that. I was on the threshold. The questions like, How did I do this? Why did I do this? How did I let this happen again? Why is this happening? What am I going to do? How am I going to get out of this? What do I tell everyone? How? Why? What the fuck? I sat on the lawn and looked up at the stars and cried forever. I had to just try and keep thinking about my family and what I wanted for my life and my future. I was not giving up. I had to believe it was really, really hard at that moment though.
The next morning, I was so restless and knew I had to do something or my head was going to explode. It had felt that way for days. I remembered The Secret my brother had told me a month before to read it and I just kept putting it off. I grabbed the book and went out under my favorite tree and started to read it. It took some time before I could settle down and stay focused. My mind was all over the place with my worries and fears, completely racing. Anxiety was so high it was eating my stomach right away. This had been going on for weeks. I finally got to a place where I could read the book; I even started reading out loud to my cat, Caterpillar. She seemed very interested in what I was reading; she is a very interesting little cat. I spent the whole day outside under the tree reading The Secret. I read the entire book, front to back that day. I didnt do anything else. Nothing else mattered. Right now what mattered was trying to find anything, something that was going to help me, because I needed HELP, I needed a MIRACLE. I got a lot from the book that day so, so much that words cant say it all.
I instantly started putting it to use, to the best of my ability. Bear in mind how full of fear, anxiety, self-doubt, and panic I have been in my life. My teenage daughter knew this was our home and knew that in her heart, but was not happy here. She still wanted to be in her hometown. She was going back and forth and this was not a good thing. She would lay around all day miserable and negative, not wanting to do anything. She ended up getting in trouble and this has been very stressful for both of us. My oldest daughter is trying to finish her last year of college and nothing is going right with that process. She calls me every day looking for help and support and I am doing the best I can for her. I have not had any real work since April 15th, my Dad died on April 24th, and then I moved here on May 3rd. I spent over a month working on his personal affairs, when now it turns out it was in no avail. (That is okay; it still made me feel good that I did something for him.) I had great confidence that I would get a job at a certain company, and when I was finally free, I went there and left my resume for the owner, who kind of knew me. Time went by and I had not heard from him and I went back. I saw him and he said that he had never received the resume. He seemed very positive and encouraging. Joseph was a dear friend of his and he valued him very much as a person. Joseph had spoken highly of me to him and we even had spent some time talking about Joseph. So I kind of expected to hear from him. I still have not hear from him.
I do have countless talents and skills, and I can do a lot of things. I have knowledge about several different work fields. I was taught: the more you know and can do the better. However, not all my abilities can be attributed to past jobs, and so to look at my resume it is hard to see that I have these qualities and capabilities. That can often prevent me from getting a job I may want. On the other hand, there have been several times in my life that I have gone to companies that were not hiring and I wanted to have a certain job. I may not have had the skill quite at that moment but I was able to get hired just with sheer determination, confidence, and a positive attitude that I would be an asset to your company and you would not regret hiring me. All these jobs I loved, I learned a lot from, and I was a great employee; they all loved having me work for them.
So anyways, I do take responsibility for my actions. I have gotten myself into massive debt and creditors call daily, am currently unable to pay any of the bills and still more arrive, am very overdrawn in the bank, no food at all, no income coming in at the moment, I spent what I did have in the past stupidly or in unwise ways, I have borrowed from everyone I know all that I can and owe them all still, I may lose the home of my dreams and have no home, my girls are stressed to the max and are looking to me for answers daily. And for weeks I have been asking myself what am I going to do? And how am I going to get out of this and quickly? Like I said, I got a lot from reading The Secret, and all the things that I learned from the past came back to me. My Dad had a postcard here that says EXPECT A MIRACLE, and I do! There are many sayings that I have around the house that I look at all day to keep me going and to help me keep the faith. I pray each night and say the Third Step Prayer, I give thanks for the day and all the things that made it special to me, and ask for guidance and direction. I am saying I am so happy am grateful that I have this wonderful house to live in. I am so happy, grateful and thankful that Lizzie and I have finally found our home. I am so happy and grateful that my girls are in my life and that I am available for them. I am so happy and grateful that I have the ability to change my thinking and my attitude. And I love this feeling of feeling good. I am so happy to feel good again.
I am always working on changing a negative into a positive, watching my thoughts and my words. I have been working with my daughters on this, who can be negative and who use the but word a lot. It is a slow process and I know it is going to work. Today was a good example. I was trying to rush through this and my daughter said to me, Dont do that, you will screw it up. She knew this was important to me and knew rushing through it would not make it the way I wanted. I kissed her and said to her that she had just been very positive to me, and as well she had just done what was on Poppys quote. And she smiled big realizing what she had done. She liked the feeling.
It is focusing my mind on the positive of what I want and how I want to feel. And I want to feel good, great. I have totally found that negative people suck my energy out and bring me down very quickly. If I tell them my great positive thought, dream, goal, wish, or want, they are very quick to be negative and shoot it down and take it right away from me. And then I let the self-doubt and fear come back to me. I know that for now, until I really bring up my own positive strength, I need to stay clear of down people. And sometimes that is hard to do. I do have my own inner strength and that has held me strong for many years. I need to keep believing in myself.
I have had many very important people in my life, which were mentors and teachers. I value their lessons and cherish my time I had with them. The other day I thought about every single one of them and how wonderful they were and what I loved about them. It brought tears of joy to my eyes. I spent over three hours while driving thinking of all of them. Thank you for putting them in my life. Each of them believed in me and gave me a gift. During each of those times in my life I was at my best, I was truly me, who I know I am. One special woman, Rita, embroidered me this saying after I had made a tough choice, The special genius of women I believe to be electrical in movement, intuitive in function, spiritual in tendency. And that is me. It caught her eye because at the time I was an electrician.
I am going to be 40 in September, and for a year now I have been telling everyone that this year I want a huge big party for my 40th; that I have had quite the life and this year I really want to celebrate it. And now I really can see the significance of it. I am finally a grown up! I know what I want to be. I can take care of myself. And those lessons I have learned are coming into play and working right now. It is a big year. I see a huge wonderful party on my lawn this fall, with all my family and friends, and I know it is going to be the best party ever!
I have asked for what I want, I see it, and I truly feel it. I BELIEVE THIS! I am going to own this house and this land. This is my home and my families home. The house needs a lot of work so I have started calling contractors to come and look at the house and give me estimates pm how much it is going to cost to make the repairs and do what I need and want done to our house. I will be driving a new Toyota Tundra. I will be helping my daughter with all her financial needs, college costs, and relieving what stresses I possibly can. I will help my siblings reach their goals and dreams, and I will always be available for them to come to. I will start a business from home and have unlimited income and abundance.
Now, here we are at the end of the story and it went on for quite some time. I did not intend on it being this long, truly. Once I got writing, I just could not leave out certain things. I decided to write this letter to you yesterday. I was hesitant (this is the second time I have thought of writing to you) but decided to do it anyways, anything is possible! I started writing for three reasons:
1) To say THANK YOU VERY MUCH for writing the book. It has helped me so incredibly. I LOVE me again, I know who I am again, and I remember all I can be and all I can do. Do you know what a wonderful feeling that is? I am indebted to you. I will tell everyone and try and share what I continue to learn with others. Thank you, again.
2) I have had a lot of negative people around me and it has been hard to not get sucked back into my fear and panic of what am I going to do? Am I going to be alright? I was writing to ask if you could send some extra positive energy this way to help block out the rest. I am on a set course and I know my goal, so I am looking for an extra boost.
3) I know in the book that it is not up to me to figure how money will come to me, that the universe will provide it, just to know when to act. To take action when inspired. Well, a month ago, I woke up bolt right and thought to myself What if there is buried treasure here or what if there was a bag full of money on the porch? Of course, I ran to the porch and there was none, and I dug around for awhile and found nothing and stopped my search for buried treasure. I put a bag on the porch two weeks ago waiting for the bag to be filled with money. Well, I live in the country, and I thought to myself, how will anyone know that I have a brown bag on my porch waiting to be filled with money to fulfill my wishes, hopes, dreams, desires, future, successes to be used for unlimited joy, happiness and love? But I DO SEE IT BEING FULL AND THE FEELING INSIDE IS SO OVERWHELMING I CAN MELT WITH JOY AND LOVE!!!!
Thank you for reading my story there is so much more I could have said. I told my cousin for months when things were going bad that I was going to write a book about my life. Of course when I would tell her a story about something that happened in my life I would tell it in such a way she would always end up laughing. Anyways, she asked what I would call it. I said: What The Fuck.
Sometimes all you can do is laugh and keep moving forward. You learn something every day. My daughter and I need to get out of the house and do something positive so we are going to see my cousin and have an absolutely great night. Thank you so, so very much.