“A Phoenix Affair” – As Yet Unfinished
At 11.40 a.m. on the 24th September 2009 my husband and my dearest friend suddenly passed away. Here ended a marriage of 49 and a half years and a friendship of 66 years all in one. My husband had suffered from Leukemia for many years and after an illness in 2008 we the family all felt that he was firmly on the road to recovery.
I had closed my workshop down in 2001 and left the farm where we had lived for over 22 years behind to move into a modern home which was easier am better for my husband. It was hard for me to give up my harness-making as I am really happiest when I am making something and working with leather is most satisfying. In fact it is a family thing as my Gt. Gt. Grandfather was a Master bootmaker and Cordwainer. The past twelve months have been very much a roller coaster ride. One minute up the next in deep despair and with no one to raise my spirits and make me laugh as my husband used to do.
I still have a driving pony and through him I have come in contact with a host of new people, young people who have become friends. One day I was particularly down in the mouth when an old friend from the past before I was married dropped in to see me. Resplendent in his open topped Bentley, he took me out for a spin to cheer me up and in the conversation he mentioned The Secret. Not only did he mention it but withing a week I had the DVD, CD, Book and Gratifude book plus another teaching Attraction.
Having had a disappointment over the private pension that ceased with the death of my husband I really needed something to bring sufficient income to keep my life going. I was working out all kinds of things that I could econimise on until there seemed to be very little left but the fact that I own my home it is in good condition and comfortable. I asked for friendship, abundance and gainful employment which at my age was an impossibility as I am now 74 although a very active and healthy 74. The car park thing definitely worked for me and has done all summer that was my beginning. I never gave the rest a second thought because I have been feeling very happy and had friends who have been very good and kept me going then there are my children and grandchildren so things seemed to improve. I have read reread and taken on board pages158 and 159 – The Secret to You. This has made me deal with my loss and grief and kept me thinking in the right way. Since my husband’s death I have had to give so much time to my Mother who is 98 and failing fast. The more one does the more one gets verbally abused. I know that this is because she is vainly fighting the slow dying of her great and courageous spirit which makes her angry at her short comings and makes her hit out at the nearest person – me.
I was having a day when things were not going well and I was feeling that the wrong thinking was taking me over when someone came to visit me with a request. They were afraid that I would say no but on the other hand was I interested in working at my old trade one day a week Wednesday, at a Heavy Horse Experience that is in it’s planning stage. They already have a blacksmith/farrier, a wheelwright and carriage maker and two different families to provide the Shire horses to demonstrate ploughing etc. It was made clear to me that this would be a paid post and I would be asked to demonstrate harness-making and hand stitching and talk about my memories of the horse on the land in my childhood. I have once over done days like this for the local museum service but never been offered such a generous amount for my services. The people involved have enthusiasm. They also have experience in raising grants and finance they also have the drive and ability to succeed in what they decide to go for.
As for me, it will answer all my needs and desires. I will not be lonely and on my own any more, I will be able to go out and meet people and talk to them and best of all I can set up my work station and stitch to my hearts content. I cannot find words to express my gratitude and already it has given me a great uplift of spirit and improved my own view of myself and my abilities. Just to be wanted was enough because I have felt very useless and superfluous. It has given new meaning to my daily life because I know that this will happen. I just know that it will come about and it will be so.