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Deciding To Trust the Universe.
Submitted by: ThePrettyWomanWithADogNamedKona
Santa Cruz, CACollege student in her 5th year in college just trying to find herself in the midst of love, life, chaos and everything else in between.
For the past couple of years I have been exerting way too much effort into controlling the outcomes of my life. Needless to say that none of it worked. But I couldn’t help it. I strongly believed that things needed to happen the way that I envisioned them to happen and in order for them to come true. I would need to play God’s role and manipulate every situation.
Only now am I starting to realize that this is going against the grain of life itself and will totally not work. It’s really true, especially in my previous relationship. I tried so hard to make everything perfect that it literally ended up being the opposite of what I wanted. Because of my controlling and manipulative characteristic, I repelled my soulmate away. How is it that even after all of the pain and heartache, that I still strongly believe that this guy is the one for me? Well, I don’t know. The thought of him dying kills me more than anything in the world. I love every single thing about him, even his flaws. We can relate on a deeper level.
The core problem was that I did not love myself as much as I loved him. But now that I am starting to truly trust that the Universe will either bring him back or someone better, I am more able to focus entirely on myself. I no longer worry as much about losing him. Because deep down I genuinely trust that if he was just as in love with me as I was with him then he will return. And if not, then I still trust that the Universe has a love much greater than the one I have experienced. Until that time comes, I will keep learning to love myself wholly. And I will let you all know my story.
If you are in the same boat as I am, I believe that we can get through this heartache. We can not only heal, but bloom in the now.
Love,
Girl With a Dog Named Kona